“most of the time it meant him compromising on something he wanted.”  yeah I can see some of this in me.
“the lid blew off his pot and all that pent up frustration over compromising came out” This is actually how the W and I begin discussing the SSM issue. I just lost it and withdrew…we talked but as you mentioned took no real action and I felt better for a will…then back to the building of pressure.
“…say you are a problem solver and can take care of most issues with a discussion are you doing the same thing? Are you finding solutions to problems by compromising your wants and needs just so you can find a quick solution and call the problem fixed?” I guess I see it as anything is better than nothing so yes I do too much compromising…in regular life sometimes but mostly I look for the win-win.
“You don't understand how confronting your wife, even if it makes her cry, is a good thing as far as solving a problem or moving the relationship in the right direction?” I see your point…I guess it’s not different from the concept of by not acting on something you are acting on it. I’ve not looked at it this way before….it makes me sad to think I might have been toxic and held my marriage back, the opposite of what I thought I’m as working toward.
“You can't make the statement above and then come right behind it and say that you do respect yourself and the relationship. You may think you do but your actions say differently.” I guess I saw it as compromise, doing what I felt I needed to do to solve the problem….the problem is that in the end nothing is solved.
The marriage, my wife and me are important enough I’ll find the book and do some research
“You know, she might not feel what you need is important because you have set that example by avoiding conflict and making so many compromises over the years.” Yeah that is something I’m thinking about…it baffles me though how she could after all I’ve communicated to her…but now I’m questioning how well and clearly I did my communications.
