I think the pain comes from thinking it thru to its logical conclusion: IF things don't change on the XYZ front, THEN I will do ABC.
Telling her about your feelings and requesting attention to your needs is all well and good but it leaves everything hangin in the air. What if she doesn't? What if she has good intentions but can't bring herself to do it? What if she just gets plain old lazy about it? Then what?
It is the avoidance of the "then what" stage that keeps us stuck, imo.
