What does that mean exactly? Has your need to only discuss an issue and not fight over it angrily gotten you anywhere? My ex husband was a conflict avoider. He loved discussions...prided himself on being able to stay cool and collected during a conflict and "discuss the issues." Only problem, nothing ever got solved.
He wanted to discuss things because he had a fear of anger. So, engaging in discussions and trying to placate my hurt feelings was his overt way of only trying to avoid finding a solution to the problem. If, after the discussion I didn't see it his way and needed more from him he would become covert and walk out of the room or get in his car and drive away.
In my experience conflict avoiders work over time at appearing to be reasonable, non-angry people who are genuinely concerned with a problem. In reality...and in my opinion, what they are, are fearful people who fear the problem itself or feel intimidated by the person they are engage in the problem with or they become so overwhelmed by the problem that it is easier to ingore it, walk away from it and just plain not deal with it.
Living with and trying to maintain a relationship with a conflict avoider causes CONFUSION. You can't understand their inability or unwillingness to deal with problems. The avoider is CONFUSED because they can't understand your point of view and your need to focus on solving the problem.
It's nearly impossible to maintain a relationship with someone who avoids conflict. It's almost as if they are not relationship oriented or to some degree they put their need to avoid conflict before their need to make the relationship work.
I think what is worse than appearing less confident and indicisive is the feeling a woman gets when involved with a conflict avoider that he has no self-respect or respect for the relationship. After a while a woman wants to be shown that a man is comfortable with standing up for himself and getting his needs met, while, at the same time, taking her needs and the needs of the relationship into consideration.
With a conflict avoider that doesn't happen often. Cathy
