Interesting weekend… It started Thursday night with more of the same “OLD” HFO and W. A heated discussion went a direction neither of us wanted it to. The tension carried over into Friday with a much needed phone conversation. (W broke the silence, good for her bad on me.) We decided to go out Friday night and try to work it out. Unfortunately, I didn’t feel it was the time or place. Instead I enjoyed it for what it was…some QT for us. Once we got past the tension of not broaching the topics neither of us wanted to start in with, we had a really nice evening.
Saturday morning we tried to schedule some time in the day but life with three children soon foiled that idea. Instead, we managed a truce and had a pleasant day. I started night school last Tuesday so W’s Bday celebration was postponed until Saturday night. The bonus was she didn’t know it until I brought the cake out. I guess it was a brownie point on my card because we were able to forget about what was bothering us and spend some QT on the couch. We agreed to some time on Sunday and actually had it. It sometimes amazes me how much you can accomplish in an hour (if you can get even that). As it turns out, an hour wasn’t near long enough so we locked ourselves into the basement after taking time out for dinner.
W needed desperately to talk about money and, tongue in cheek, remind me of certain goals I had made her aware of. I was able to explain to her my intentions in a way she understood and accepted. I told her how I was being patient with her and how I felt she needed some time to resolve some of her menopause issues before being able to approach our issues. We had a good talk about finances and how we are going to better approach how we handle them in the future. The ground work was laid for a budget we can both work with and at the same time, be flexible about. I was able to express my concern about her lack of effort in working with me on R issues. How I want to work WITH her and some of the reading I’ve done and what I’ve learned. She agreed that more effort could be done on her part and we are going to spend some time each week to read and discuss. We both expressed how proud we are with each other on the progress we have made and how we recognize the effort the other is making. We also apologized to each other for our shortcomings and that we will work on them.
All in all it was one of the best R talks I can remember in 16 years. We even started a list of things for us to do together that put some fuel in each others tanks. Tomorrow we’re doing #16 and have started plans for #37 in the summer. Last night was #1. Patience, faith & Love: It just keeps getting better.
HFO
Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past. – Alexa Young
You little sneak - coming in every so often, offering a hug (THANKS!) and giving us a little update!
I'm so proud of you and all you've done to make things work! Thanks for updating - for showing us that it is all too easy to fall back to "old" habits and patterns that weren't working. AND for showing how you can get it right, even after a misstep or two.
I'm sure glad you decided to tattoo "PATIENCE" to your forehead that day you were ready to throw in the towel! You've done good!!!!!
Popped in to let those who may be wondering about letting go of the faith to STOP! Hang in there! Sure, I may be one of the fortunate few who was able to "put it back together" but, without the faith that it could come back together, it never would have happened.
#37 is coming together nicely. W, the chitlens and I are gearing up for a whopper of a summer holiday. We rented a 28ft trailer to haul across the prairies for 2+ weeks of family, sun and fun. Soooooo looking forward to it.
I hope all is well with those I used to chat with regularly. I try to pop in and keep tabs but so many names have moved on or "otherwise focused energy", I'm guessing the time isn't there to keep up here. I know first hand how hard it is to keep posting. If you think DBing is hard...wait until you put into practice all you learn here.
I'm so grateful for the help and enlightenment I received here that I want any who happen across my ramblings to find the inspiration and patience I did. I pray this place helps you as much as it helped me.
Cheers all,
HFO
Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past. – Alexa Young
It's been a while! I'm surprised to see my thread still open.
"Forgive me mother (Michele) for I have sinned. It's been quite a while since my last post."
Not sure who of my old friends may happen across this but, HI, just the same. It's been an interesting year. I said goodbye to my father in March and almost lost my son in February. Sheesh, just when you think all is right with the world, a curve ball. You’d think I’d be used to it by now.
Anywho...I stopped in to see who might still be around and say hello. I also stopped in to say how hard it is to exercise it and also how much it pays off when you exercise it....PATIENCE! My dear friend at work, my dear friends here and my own exercise of it; keeps making things better and better. Friends, if you just sit back and wait, you'll be amazed at what comes forth.
My feelings for this beautiful lady that I married have been getting stronger and stronger each day. If you're willing to take the time to better understand the opposite sex, how they communicate and think; it makes it that much easier for them to understand you.
I feel for those that may read this and not be under the same roof of those they love. It is that much harder. Keep faith. In yourself and those you care for. Like the good book says,(DB book) YOU have to do the work first.
My love is not much for reading. When we got back together we agreed to read together, it just doesn't happen. I read for myself and put into action & words, that which I learn and I'm amazed.
When she's in a "mood", I quietly inquire to let her know I recognize it. If she wants to talk about it then, I listen. If she doesn't, I wait. So far, every single time, it's been immediate to 24 hours and then it all comes out. We work through it and all is good for another while. (Think about it! WAVES! Just like Venus/Mars describes.) The time frame required is probably the hardest part of all. I've been going at this for 18 years now. It took me 15 of fights and struggle to almost lose it. Now that I'm actually working at it and seeing what I wasn’t seeing I’m ticked at myself.
Sheesh, where's that frying pan wrapped in pink duct tape when you need it.
Oh sure, I have all the subtlety of orange peel wrapped around a brick sometimes, but I like to think that even I can learn. I'm ever so grateful I wasn't too late to start.
Take heart all. I hope this finds you well. I wish nothing but the best for you and all that you hope to accomplish. Take care. Keep the faith. You ARE worth it!
Cheers, HFO
Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past. – Alexa Young
I just did a search for you and was so glad to find this post. I have thought about you often and have lead many men to your old posts. Oh, BTW, I am the former Iluv2teach.
I am not hanging out on the MLC site because it turns out that H is a textbook case. S32 is recovering from testicular cancer a fight that was diagnosed in October and hopefully will be over soon. S20 will be a junior in college in the fall and S17 will be a senior in high school. H is still knee-deep in MLC and R with OW (former half of one of our couple friends and a gal that H graduated with dated a couple of time in high school) Our final judgment on D was April 11, but my attorney didn't get the final papers until Mid-May and I still have yet to sign them so our D is not final yet but is just a formality. I am, however, still standing for my marriage as we didn't give out vows to the judge who granted our divorce we recited them in front of God.
I am so happy that you are doing well in your marriage. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your father and the close call with our son.
You deserve the happiness you have received, you worked hard on you to get where you are.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
I am not hanging out on the MLC site because it turns out that H is a textbook case.
I just reread my post, this should say, I AM hanging out on the MLC....
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Bets 
