HD, Maybe you can bring up the topic of where SHE wants the m to go. What her goals are for counseling, etc.
If it's not to regain a considerable amount of intimacy, then I sure as heck would be questionin what the point is.
My H used to say "All I want is for you to be happy" but what that really meant was "I want you to be happy with what I give you". It took him a while to realize that this was not going to happen and that we had to forge ahead and create a system that both of us could live with.
I think you should ask her: Would you agree or disagree that our ultimate goal with marriage counseling is to increase intimacy?
You and I have similar situations in that our spouses have these airtight reasons why they don't want to get down and dirty: MrsHD refuses because that is objectifying herself and MrHP refuses because that is spiritually offensive. So they fully expect for their needs to be met--because they are legitimate--but look down upon our needs as being beneath them. Any attempt to get them to acknowledge the validity of loving sex is met with a moral argument. On the other hand, there is no moral argument against cleaning toilets, now is there.
