I've had the same response from my wife except I'm a lot less vocal than you were (it's the conflict avoider in me).
My wife also told me that I was too demanding and she felt she could never meet my needs...as such she quit trying. That didn't hit me too well either. Does that mean that if I cannot buy you a porsche I should not bother buying you a car? does this mean that if wife wants to talk for 2 hours about her emotions and I can't meet her needs I should just tell her to shut-up or go tell it to someone who cares?
Nope, just like you... I do the best I can and I keep trying. That's all we want our partners to do... we want to feel like our needs / wants / desires are just as important.
Sometimes I think I got the bait and switch too... but, I guess I really didn't. Our sex life was only hot for a month and then it slid into once a week (which I actually used to think was not enough)... all the extra stuff BJ, etc pretty much ended before we got married... I knew she was no nympho... I just kept hoping that it would get BETTER not get WORSE.... I looked at it as some kind of crazy challenge... like I was going to crack her shell and she was going to turn into this sex crazed wife...
Well, it never happened. We can't even talk about sex. I tried a few times, but she called it "verbal foreplay" in a very negative tone and asked that I not do that anymore.
After all the counseling and communication workshops she did actually say we should start talking about sex and maybe email would be a great way to get comfortable with it... yeah right... I sent her three emails, got no responses back and that was the end of it...
I can so identify with your last statement. I too feel like I am expected to just give up all the things I enjoy and live my life in her world.
Right now, we average once every 20-30 days (even though she claims to be interested every 15 days?). I SAY that if we ever got to a 4-5 times a year I would leave her, but I'm full of crap and I know it. If you had asked me 10 years ago what I would do if I was only getting sex once every 30 days I would have probably bragged how I would be walking - yet, here I sit... waiting for something to change.
