Quote: Just curious: Does your W enjoy the fresh roasting as well? I found that having a common interest, even something small like this, really helps to promote that feeling of solidarity. Like, WE are coffee geeks, instead of my hairy, bearded, horny husband is a coffee geek and I tolerate it.
During the winter, right after I got the iRoast, I tried roasting indoors. She hated the smell, which, admittedly, is pretty strong. The iRoast has an attachment which you can connect to a foil dryer hose, so I ended up venting the smoke up the chimney in the winter, and, although she still smelled it, it was a lot less apparent, and dissipated a lot quicker.
She only likes flavored coffee, so she doesn't even try mine.
We do have common interests. Our daughter, reading, uh....I can't think of a lot of others right now, but I'm sure there are some.
I've made vanilla and maple coffees, etc, using extracts. Although this may go against CoffeeGeek rules, it might make her feel good that you thought of her.
The maple was particularly good in the fall. I put cinnamon and nutmeg right into the basket (don't make fun of me for my Mr. Coffee, you snob you) and the maple coffee ended up tasting like a yummy pumpkin pie or something.
Honeypot, off to make good use of the pecan coffee buzz I'm currently enjoying. Look out toilets, here I come! Nothing better than a clean latrine am I right.
Zbube, see here we go again in the parallel universe. MrsGGB insists that I 'need' facial hair. I guess she doesn't like the way my chin goes. Funny, It was clean shaven when we met, as I was in the Air Force then. I grew it a beard after I got out, only because I could and she hasn't let me shave it since...well I did shave clean for a job interview at one point but she asked me to grow it back a few months later. I've been wearing a goatee for the past couple years, I got tired of the beard. I keep it cropped pretty close so at least it doesn't look unkempt most of the time and its enough to keep her happy. Thinking back, even when I was in the AF, she asked me to grow a 'stache. I always thought that a 'stache that met the military regs looked pretty ridiculous though.
No, she wasn't. Nor was she always so put-off by sexual innuendo or activity. Remember, I spent the night with her on our first real date. We met online (match dot com), exchanged some nice emails, then some steamier ones; talked on the phone for hours, met face-to-face at a bookstore, kissed for the first time in the parking lot of the bookstore, then had a date about a week later (she lived about two hours away).
Now, we've gone round and round on this forum about the old "bait and switch" routine (Cemar's old favorite), but there are times when I feel like I've been taken for a ride.
This woman can be really funny. She can even make a sailor blush with some of the sexual jokes and innuendoes she says. But she is also the queen of double standards. She'll be joking one minute, then criticizing the next. I'm a pretty clever person, and I can't even figure out why what I say is inappropriate, and what she says is okay. Well, yes I can. It's because she is the ultimate judge, and she holds all the unwritten rules and standards in her head.
Okay....venting venting venting.
I know she sounds like a demon. She's not. She can be really funny, and really loving. I see this in her behavior toward our daughter, our dogs, her mother and sister, and sometimes to her stepkids. But it's been so long since I've seen or felt it from her.
And this really struck a chord:
Quote: Now you: can't actually have sex, you can't give her affection, you can't make innuendos and, furthermore, all of this is on some invisible timeline in which she is allegedly working towards allowing some or all of it.
That really sums it up. Except, I'd edit the last sentence to read, "all of this is on some invisible timeline in which she is allegedly working towards allowing some or all OR NONE of it.
Because it may never get better. It may never change.
I know, it's up to me to set my own boundaries of what I will or won't tolerate.
Have you ever asked her why she used to have humor wrt sexual things and now she doesn't?
I would think that the obvious reason is that she used to be sexual. Therefore, it was funny because she felt sexy and as if you were laughing with her and not AT her. Or....I know you are not laughing at her and never would...but I am imagining that there is a great deal of not being "in on the joke". Maybe she feels left out of her own sexuality and lashes out at you.
Hairy, What would happen if you were to march into C today and say, I am totally unsatisfied with the amount of effort that W is putting into being affectionate and sexual.
Maybe a good step to take at this juncture would be to at least get her to make her "timeline" visible. I mean I think you know what response you would get if you were to say "Either we have sex by August 1st or I'm outta here." but maybe you should at least say Either you tell me when we're going to next have sex by August 1st or I'm outta here.". That way you aren't forcing her to have sex on your timeline, but you are forcing her to take responsibility for her sexuality (and necessarily yours if you're monogamous) on a timeline. Heck, you could even take it one step further and say "By August 1st I want you to give me a date on which you will tell me when we will next have sex.".
Quote: I know she sounds like a demon. She's not. She can be really funny, and really loving. I see this in her behavior toward our daughter, our dogs, her mother and sister, and sometimes to her stepkids. But it's been so long since I've seen or felt it from her.
This is one of the things that hurts the most and is the hardest to comprehend but you just have to realize that most people can be nice in some contexts but cruel in other contexts otherwise you will always be blaming the victim that is you. Recognize the fact that your wife does not respect the part of your humanity that is your sexuality. Your sexuality is a brute animal that doesn't really experience pain and therefore there is no reason not to give it a boot in the balls when it shows up.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
