Knock knock. Who's there? Anita. Anita who? Anita get laid!
(sorry GEL )
My S8 is our comedian. he makes up about half his material, 75% of which doesn't make a lot of sense, but he thinks is hysterical. It is kinda funny to watch though. I have shared a modified Anita knock knock with him...Anita drink!
Quote: How many LD wives do we see here on the board say, I knew he was unhappy about our sex life but I didn't REALLY get it until he left me.
HD, HP's post hit me hard. I see it written like this on many of the womens post where the H tried to work on the M but the W " didn't think the problems were that big." Now that the W is alone most of the time, now she sees the problems.
To all, How does one get his point across that the situation one is living in is not working without resorting to heavy handed tactics. Guys with ethics like HD, see the problems, address some in a considerat fashion, improvements are made, but some of the core issues are so intrenched, the SO feels justified to continue in the old ways?
Quote: To all, How does one get his point across that the situation one is living in is not working without resorting to heavy handed tactics. Guys with ethics like HD, see the problems, address some in a considerat fashion, improvements are made, but some of the core issues are so intrenched, the SO feels justified to continue in the old ways?
Lou
Lou, if I knew the answer to that one, I wouldn't be here.
From my perspective, there are two basic ways to chip away at entitlement.
Engage in activities that build respect for the disrespected partner.
Expose the entitlement for what it is.
There is a lot of mix and potential opportunities, some great, some small, to chip away at someone's inappropriate entitlement. Thinking creatively might show up an opportunity that you are missing because your feelings are hurt.
Stepping away from your anger and resentment (not just you, Lou, anyone) is a really good first step toward enabling you to see missed opportunities.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
You posts are usually clear and to the point. On this one though, it is like you are talking a different language. Can you expound on it a bit so that even a knucklehead like me can understand what you are saying? Thanks!
Who's the entitled one? What kinds of activities are you thinking of? What entitlement? What missed opportunities. I hope Karen and I aren't the only ones feeling a little less than brilliant here.
I'll take a shot. If I'm wrong, I'm sure NOP will say so. One example of entitlement might be the one that Michelle mentions at the beginning of the book. The fact that our LD spouses feel like they're entitled to our faithfulness even though they don't make an effort to meet our sexual needs. As we have seen this frequently results in the HD partner feeling entitled to have an affair. OTOH a HD partner might feel like he is entitled to sexual desire from his spouse even though he makes no effort to be appealing. In this case, the LD spouse might feel entitled to have an affair with someone who makes more of an effort. In all these examples none of the partners have made the effort to communicate their needs to their partners or taken action to meet their partners stated needs and thereby garner their respect. OTOH by simply having the self-respect to stand up for what you need to be happy in your relationship you will probably gain the respect of your partner.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Nice - I see what Nop is getting at. I don't see a lot of entitlement going on with me nor my H. I see a lot of sexual anxiety on my H's part and a lot of conflict avoidance on mine. It leads to a less than helpul situation. Every sitch is different but it is interesting how the answers of communicating through the discomfort, anxiety and yes, the anger and frustration always seems to be the answer.
I am interested in some non-verbal communication methods that allow the boundaries to be set but don't cause the LD spouse to feel cornered (if my H feels cornered he comes out yelling and not listening). Example, I initiated a few weeks ago, H started acting silly and not very interested. I said something on the order of "OK then and turned over and proceeded to go to sleep (not angrily)." A day or so later we had a productive discussion about it. A day or so after that we ML with equal participation.
With this particular sitch I see the entitlement piece. Thanks for the clarification.
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