I wouldn't go so far as to say counseling hasn't helped our situation. And I truly think that counseling has helped me personally. I come on here and b!tch about a lot of things, share outrageous behavior, and pine about oral sex, but there are days that go by which are wonderful, too. The unfortunate thing, I suppose, is that those days would be especially wonderful if I could punctuate them with the sensual and passionate touch of my W.
I don't know about the letter to my MIL. It sounds like a great idea but I think the risks way outweigh the possible benefits.
Quote: I'm kind of surprised that counseling hasn't helped your situation more simply because it should have "disclosed" how wacky your W's stand on the sex issue is.
HD... When H and I went to MC, the thing that moved us along was my H could no longer feel justified in his treatment of me...he was "called" on his behavior. What does your C say about your W's attitude towards sex? So far, other than the enneagram and some affection building exercises, all I see going on here is you are now labeled with another deficit. Is she confronting your W's deficits?
Yes, she is dealing with her "deficits" but is being very careful about it. During a one-on-one meeting with the C, we came to an understanding that there was a fine line between confronting W with the problems she had to deal with, and sending W packing (at least out of the MC's office). I want to make this MC work, and I trust that, even though it's going slowly, it's our best bet.
At what point will the C know that it's "safe" to force your wife to work on her issues?
Have you ever had a chance to air your intense dissatisfaction with your sex life? I know in the beginning it was Yes Hairy we will get to that later.. But have you ever had the chance to say, I hate our sex life and have told her that I will not tolerate being sexless forever.
Something about uttering those words out loud--in the presence of another--would give them an urgency and seriousness that your W may not have heard, otherwise.
How many LD wives do we see here on the board say, I knew he was unhappy about our sex life but I didn't REALLY get it until he left me.
Here is something else for you: My D3 has turned into a comedian. Everywhere we go she tells one of the 2 jokes she knows. It is hilarious. The first joke is pretty funny (coming from a 3yo) and goes like this: What does a spider eat with his hamburger? French Flies! The second joke she made up and makes no sense but so far people laugh anyway.
I guess MC is a bit of an art form...my H needed the caveman approach, while your W needs more finesse. Glad to her the C is on the case ( and not just on yours).
Quote: During a one-on-one meeting with the C, we came to an understanding that there was a fine line between confronting W with the problems she had to deal with, and sending W packing (at least out of the MC's office).
Maybe I'm wrong-minded, but this just makes me think that the MC is afraid of your W too. I think you should fool your W into believing that she won an all expense paid trip to a women's retreat and then she can spend a week alone with me and several other HDW from the BB. At first she will be shocked to discover that we actually exist but from that point forward the deprogramming should go quite well. All we need to do is revert her to the psychological state of a 16 year old girl and then apply positive peer pressure.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Ha ha...great idea, Jenny. I wish this was an option. Would it involve handcuffs?
Anywho, HP, yes, the first meeting with the MC included me saying to her why we were there, which was our sexual history, from my viewpoint, and the fairly recent "boundary statement" that brought us to that moment.
I do not think that the MC is afraid of my W at all. I think she is just trying to figure out the best way to help both of us reach our goals.
Oh, and my 4 year old daughter's favorite joke is: Knock knock. Who's there? Icy. Icy who? I see your underwear (at which point she collapses into laughter)
Hairy, I have nothing useful to share on your sitch right now, but wanted to leave you with my D4's favorite knock knock joke. This one really works because you start to think that she doesn't really get the idea, and then bam, along comes the punchline!
Knock knock Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
Julie, D3 tries to say the orange-banana one too, but she is new to joke telling and has shortened it to Knock, knock, blah blah, anyway the punchline is "ba ba". That is the made up one I was referring to that gets her a lot of blank stares and looks to me to translate, LOL.
But the french fly one...man that has em rolling in the aisles.
I think you should fool your W into believing that she won an all expense paid trip to a women's retreat and then she can spend a week alone with me and several other HDW from the BB. At first she will be shocked to discover that we actually exist but from that point forward the deprogramming should go quite well. All we need to do is revert her to the psychological state of a 16 year old girl and then apply positive peer pressure. 
