I wouldn't go so far as to say counseling hasn't helped our situation. And I truly think that counseling has helped me personally. I come on here and b!tch about a lot of things, share outrageous behavior, and pine about oral sex, but there are days that go by which are wonderful, too. The unfortunate thing, I suppose, is that those days would be especially wonderful if I could punctuate them with the sensual and passionate touch of my W.
I don't know about the letter to my MIL. It sounds like a great idea but I think the risks way outweigh the possible benefits.
