HD wrote:
--------------------------
The thought of acting more like her father towards her has me baffled, but is interesting. I've tried to do everything to avoid acting like her father. Could you comment a bit on why you think this might help our relationship? Remember, this is a guy who, when she made a mistake, would say something like, "How could you be so stupid?!" I've actually seen him get this way with his wife, usually while performing a task (putting together a trampoline, launching a boat).
--------------------------

I was basing my comments on your previous descriptions of her father.

I am not suggesting that you should repeat the negative parts of her father - SHE is already doing that to YOU.

What I think you should do is exhibit his strength in dealing with her. Let's call it defiant love. That is when you look at her lovingly, and still tell her 'no' or whatever. Her father's strength was often overbearing, but there was still respect. Start holding your wife to the same standards that she holds you to. If queried as to the change, name the standards she holds up for you, but don't be a smart-ass, just use straight forward honesty.

If you decide to do this, you will produce fireworks. For that matter, if you decide to do much of anything, there is going to be fireworks. The legerdemain requirement falls to the ability to show obvious love while getting the hair singed off your testicles.

No matter what approach you take, other than just learning to live with her foibles; any move toward resolution is going to take a fair measure of intrepidity on your part. You are going to get a figurative bloody nose, or depending on how strong she is, the corner of the kitchen countertop torn off. Food also gets thrown at times (I love you MrsNOP!).

I understand that you don't want to end your marriage, or damage it to the point that it is beyond repair. Still, you have to measure how far out you are from the point of no return. You seem close to me.

I hope that you will give your marriage a chance at recovery. In your case, that probably means a fair bit of fighting. That is what your wife grew up with, and she obviously plays to win (911 threats). I don't think she will ever respect someone that gives back less than they take.

What do you think?

All the best,
-NOPkins-

I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.

-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.
-An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.