Quote: I think it sounds like she's doing a lot better, as far as the affection is concerned! I would be happy with that little bit of progress and hopeful that she keeps adding to it.
LOL. I'm sorry to say this because I know that you are just trying to encourage HD, but I SERIOUSLY doubt that you would be happy if you were in HD's sich. Though, I will stop laughing when I see your post along the lines of "No action in over 6 monthes but yesterday Mr.HP reached out and touched my hand as we walked through the park and any resentment I felt about missing out on about 50 potential hot sexual encounters melted into the mist".
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
HD...Just expanding on what JJ and I said earlier about the meds...
It sounds like the effexor may have lost its effectiveness and may even be causing you side effects. Rather than adding another medicine, it might be a good time to go off meds and establish a "baseline" Hairdog.
FF: I actually asked her about this during our convo this morning. The context was that she was talking about the "evils" of a male's sex drive and that no women killed or raped or started wars because of a lack of sex drive. (I know, I know, I told her that this has no relevance to our relationship) Her answer was that she thought she was marrying a man who respected her rights, including her right NOT to be touched.
Quote: The context was that she was talking about the "evils" of a male's sex drive and that no women killed or raped or started wars because of a lack of sex drive.
I think you should have said "Great! I'm very happy to hear that you won't kill me or start a custody war when I leave you due to your lack of sex drive.".
What BS! Her entire argument, as usual, is based on the faulty premise that there is no such thing as a HD woman. IMO, most of the terrible things that happen in this world happen due to ignorance an intolerance both of which your W appears to possess in large measure.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I was speaking specifically about her 'homework' assignment.
If MrHP is showing effort, I am supportive. I would not expect him to go from 0 to 60 with no acceleration in between.
So I wasn't exactly saying that I would be happy with the overall picture, but rather that I would be happy with her putting forth effort towards her homework. I know it's hard for her and I think he should recognize that she is making an effort to follow the C's advice and up the affection.
I hate to say it, but sounds like she is only putting forward the minimal effort for her to be able to say, see I'm working on it. Just enough to be able to say that, but not enough for her to have to confront her issues. Somehow, you need to raise the bar a bit.
Quote: What BS! Her entire argument, as usual, is based on the faulty premise that there is no such thing as a HD woman. IMO, most of the terrible things that happen in this world happen due to ignorance an intolerance both of which your W appears to possess in large measure.
BS indeed...and I don't think you even need a HD woman for it to stink. Come on, how many self-proclaimed LD women here have done everything possible to get over their dislike of having their breast touched - because they love their Hs and realize how important it is to them (not to mention ending up enjoying it themselves).
I agree that you need to bring this up in C HD. Sounds like you're making lots of concessions - your 'depression' and 'ADD', while the Mrs still gets to hide behind her 'beliefs'
Please stop apologizing to your wife for a wrong perceived only by her. Stop playing in her game.
It is time that she takes responsibility for her own shortcomings. Period.
You need to write her a simple note; "Wife, I am not going to buy into your bizarre sense of masculinity and femininity any longer. You have some serious issues that you are going to have to deal with. Your actions are destroying our marriage. I will no longer engage in any discussion where my very normal sex drive is demonized. Please get help before our marriage is beyond help."
At some point in time, you are going to have to set a boundary, HD, just like you did with your first wife. Alcoholism and adultery and whatever else, crossed the line and you said 'no more, I am done'.
Before you reach that point in THIS marriage, you need to start standing your ground, in an unmistakable fashion. That does not include 10 years spent in counseling while what is left of your resolve wanes or gets medicated away. That is no way to live.
If you want to make changes, you will have to face up to the fact that your life will NOT be wonderful or comfortable while the changes are underway. No matter how long you prolong it, inevitably, you will have to face the pain of change, or the pain of divorce, or the pain of living in a shell of a marriage.
My opinion, is that your wife needs psychiatric help, not a marriage counselor.
I will also venture a guess and tell you this; if you begin to act more like her father, her response to you will be more positive. Sounds nuts, give it a try.
I am not beating at you, HD, and I dislike being anyone's Jiminy Cricket, but I have bent my general rule because I want to see you succeed. Dealing with the conflict avoidance is the first thing you must overcome. My issue was anger. Others here have their issues. Until you strangle the conflict avoider out of your brain, your chances of success are limited in my opinion.
If you can find the strength to deal with the conflict avoider, you will be able to stand up to your wife in a way that speaks very loudly of character and strength. Whether she likes it or not, changes or not, you can command respect in your situation.
Oh, I almost forgot. Sleep in your marital bed. Let her leave if someone needs to leave.
I do wish you all the best, HD.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
