well I suppose I wasn't trying to get you to assign logic to her thought process but rather to get you thinking of a way to address the topic. (when the wallowing wears off and you're ready to jump in again, should the time come) I mean, it's a legitimate question and, in your case (and mine), one in which a little negotiation has to occur.
Some marriages these things just happen naturally from day one, the rest of us poor suckers (the majority, I'm imagining) will need a little negotiation in order to come to a place where both people can live with the end result. You shouldn't have to get "permission" to touch her sexually. She shouldn't have to live in fear of being groped when she's trying to sleep.
But, from where I stand, the problem is not that either of these extremes are happening on a regular basis--it's that she honestly believes that requiring permission to touch one another is a legitimate stance.
How have you addressed the fact that she doesn't do her counseling "homework"?
