You are absolutely right, in my opinion: your wife is using this as an excuse to lambaste you, and make this all your fault. She is so hung up on her "all men are rapist a-holes" beliefs, that, unfortunately, you played right into her stereotype I'm afraid.
You need to say "I'm sorry, and I said so, and I meant it. But I'm not going to grovel, and while I will rightly apologize for doing something that I probably knew you wouldn't enjoy, I will NOT apologize for wanting the woman that I married."
