Red grapes, even red wine, raisins and raisin toast if red meat is not high on the desire list may help with the anemia.
BTW I agree with GEL you have to move out of the comfort zone for anything to change. Outside of stating the obvious that you're not her dad and you simply wanted to help getting the toaster and building a life together again. Hang in there.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
I would think that her health problems, while they sound bad, would not prevent her from being affectionate to you. Perhaps this is a way to bridge the gap between "we don't ML at all" to "lovers". It would be very hard to jump from one to the other with no lead-in, kwim?
I think letting her off the hook entirely is not the way to go. She needs to know how serious an issue this is. On the other hand, she should not feel so under the gun that it is making her health issues worse.
I think starting with affection--from her to you--would be a great place to start and would not require anything special..just love and goodwill towards you.
If she can't or won't give this, then you know that you are not dealing with a person whose health issues are preventing her from being sexual--you are dealing with a person who has such strong resentment issues that she can't bring herself to show you love.
Honeypot, she gives me hugs and kisses on a daily basis, at a minimum, before I leave for work, when I get home, and before going to bed. Often more frequently than that. That's been the case throughout. And she doesn't flinch away when I stroke her hair or touch her in other (non-sexual!) ways, unless she's just so tired that she simply can't deal with it. (She's occasionally described herself as "too tired to sleep." Those kinds of times.) So I think "a person whose health issues are preventing her from being sexual" is closer to the mark.
By no means do I intend to "let her off the hook" forever, but I will wait to see tangible improvement in her various health areas. The healing of her foot after surgery (6-12 weeks) is one example of that. Having her able to sleep more regularly is another. (I should think lack of sleep alone might be enough to kill desire. Would the ladies on this thread agree?)
LostGal, the suggestion of shampooing her hair is a good one, and one that I will likely have to do for her anyway after she has her foot surgery. (She did my hair after the knee surgery, for one thing.) As for your anemia suggestions, she's eating raisins in addition to spinach leaves and red meat when we can do that, and she does like red wine (especially a certain California merlot that's not too expensive and that I can find easily).
Once again, I am not throwing in the towel; I am reacting to new information received and adjusting the strategy accordingly.
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
Considering she has had a hysterectomy including one side of her ovaries, the sleep, hot flashes (not to be confused with amorous hots turned on feeling) and the low libido may all be part of the same hormonal imbalance. You mentioned foot surgery, also included in the list of female malities may be arthritis in the joints along with bone density "thining". These things can come on quickly with the completion of menopause/surgery. Please encourage her to see her gyno. and have total bloodwork for thyroid too. Mother Nature is not kind to us gals at this time in our lives whether natural or surgerical/birthcontrol stimulated.
Honeypot, I would at least tell all of you when a breakthrough was achieved...wouldn't want to leave all y'all in suspense. Besides, when I shift back into gear on the sex issue, I may need more advice.
LostGal, good thinking. I will encourage her to get the thyroid checked out, too. And she needs to actually find a GYN around here at this point. I will be making up an outline for her.
I may be off and on here, but a private message to me will reach me.
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
