She is dealing with quite a bit right now, and so are you. With many of the things that you describe she is going through...she could simply be overwhelemed, and that in itself can kill ones libido.
One thing to keep an eye out for, and I think you already know this. Your W has already had a past where she's either picked men like her H, or unconciously orchestrated the R to where it was like her parent's (this is very common)...like you've already said, be very careful about not falling into that same behavior. Your W may not even be aware that she orchestrates the situations to happen, but it does often happen that way.
My H did this to me too :-) My H would treat me as he expected me to behave (as his ex's had behaved)...which would infuriate me, since I'm not those W and don't behave as they did. However, after some time of being treated as though I was going to behave a certain way...I found myself growing closer and closer to adopting the expected behavior. He was, unintentionally....orchestrating the end of our R...he was sending us down the exact same paths he had been before. Just keep your eyes open and see the warning signs when they are there
As you said...deal with things one at a time right now, patience is an integral part of dealing with what you have on your plate!
