Get Out The Map

[arjnex]

Greeneyedlass, my wife's parents' marriage was rocky, and ended in divorce. Her past with her parents hasn't always been pleasant, either; in particular, her father used to be a rather nasty person, until, some years ago, he had a severely-disabling accident and became a born-again. Now, he's nice enough to her, but can get a little preachy at times. Her mom has remarried, and appears to be much happier.

Apparently, what her father would do is buy nice things for her mother, and then expect sex in return. My wife's first two husbands treated her in exactly the same way. I am trying not to fall into that same pattern, as that's just going to get her upset again.

At any rate, while your suggestions are good, none of it is going to happen at this point, because she flat-out will not discuss sex-related issues while she's dealing with these health problems. Fine, so say we all. I'll make sure she gets through her foot surgery and recovery therefrom OK. I'll do what I can to help her find a psych to address her insomnia. Ditto to help her find a GYN that can do something about her hot flashes (possible HRT, possibly something else). And I can ensure that she eats plenty of stuff with iron in it to combat her anemia. (She tried some different supplements, but they killed her stomach, so she returned them. Maybe there are supplements out there that can give her the iron she needs without killing her stomach, but we haven't found them yet.)

Now, once those are resolved, she knows what my objective is. If, at that time, she's still unwilling to discuss the issue rationally, then I can take the steps you outline. Until then, though, it'd be just wasted effort, and might result in more talk about her wanting to leave. Not good for either of us.

I know all is not lost. It's just going to be a circuitous route to get there.

- "A"