Sorry I haven't responded sooner...I've been out of pocket a bit.
No, you haven't blown it...although I know you feel that way. She's being pushed out of her comfort zone...and she doesn't like that, you wouldn't like it either....but lets face it, nothing gets resolved by staying in that comfort zone either.
It's sounding to me like she has more issues than just her sexuality here. What does she mean "it's sounding too much like my mom & dad?" What is/was their M like? What was her past like with them?
I'm sure your W "feels" she's taking action, reading etc. BUT, really...if she's not willing to talk with you about the issues, she's still avoiding them. Reading is still safe....communicating isn't (as you are getting familiar with).
Don't let this discourage you from talking to her....behavior like this is really to be expected from her...it's fairly typical of someone who simply doesn't want to deal with the issues. She's doing the minimum to pacify you...she's not really facing anything down.
Let me put it this way....if she REALLY wanted to deal with these issues...she'd already have someone to see. I feel that her making the statement she did and calling your outing to a halt the way she did....was her way of putting an end to a discussion she wanted to avoid, very typical behavior. It's behavior we've all dealt with in one fashion or another.
My advice is to approach her...when she's calm, and you are calm....and ask her why she made that statement. Ask her if she can tell you why the situation reminded her of her folks. I mean all you did was ask a reasonable question. My next suggestion is this....find the two of you a MC....you find one, don't ask her to do it...she probably won't. She may respond much better (like my H does) to discussing things in a "safe" professional environment.
