Quote: For him I think it is a control thing. Like F you because you told me I can't go out and have a drink. So I will and show you that I will not be controlled by anyone. He is like this about many things. Heck that may even be why his drive is low. Because it is something I am trying to control. It is something that bothers me and something that I call him on the carpet for constantly.
I've felt like this may be the case with my H also. His LD wouldn't be as much of an issue if it weren't for his oppositional personality. It seems to me you are really proving this to be the case with your H since he seems to be resistant to any reasonable request you make of him. He probably only feels like he should clean when he's in "the mood" to clean, for example. One thing I've often noticed in my sich along these lines is that my H is much less likely to want to see a movie if I am the one to suggest it. The tiniest demand or request brings up a wall of psychological resistance. If your H was 6 years old, you would have no problem understanding his behavior. You would simply tell yourself "He's being a brat.". Unfortunately, handling the situation as though you are the mother of a 6 year old brat can be counterproductive also, as I'm sure you know. Perhaps it would be better to treat such behavior with the mild disdain of a more mature peer rather than the upset anger or stern authority of a mother, though I do believe that you were right to draw the line when it comes to an issue that concerns the well-being of your children.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
IHJ.......I am going to look into counseling this week. I think I really do need it. There has been a lot of hurt in this marriage and a lot of bad habits I have picked up along the way due to the marriage. Like not knowing how to communicate and of course there is my sahttered ego with being in a SSM for 8 years.
Quote: It seems to me you are really proving this to be the case with your H since he seems to be resistant to any reasonable request you make of him. He probably only feels like he should clean when he's in "the mood" to clean, for example
JJ...you really hit the nail on the head with that statement. When I have compalined about his cleaning in the past he has said I don't jump when you want it. I work on my time frame. I get pissed off about his time frame and say something again. Then I am labeled a nag. Let me give an example of his time frame....
3 weeks ago he sprayed some of this foam insulation around doors and windows and outside dryer vents. When this stuff is sprayed it foams up huge. So needless to say we have these huge yellow foam areas around everywhere. It looks terrible. You are to let dry and cut excess off the next day after dry. Ours has sat 3 weeks now and I have repeatedly asked him to clean it up. Just a couple examples of HIS time frame. It's like he doesn't want to be told what to do about anything. He said compromises are just control tactics.
Another example I bought furnace filters that needed to be replaced. They have sat here for a week. So I asked someone else to put them on for me today. He came home briefly this morning to ask me if I wanted him to watch our som while I took daughter to the doctor. I said well right now I am waiting on **** to come and replace the furnace filters and take a look about cutting out all that excess foam that looks horrible. He stormed out and left which is what I was hoping he would do. I think he was only using it as an excuse to be here to see if I cave. He did leave last night but he had to work so I knew he would be going. But this morning I was not going to say yes stay and then he sleeps here. I want him to know I am serious. If this is how he is going to be and act I am ready for this seperation 100% If it ends in divorce then it was meant to be. I keep praying and have hope that maybe he will turn around.
Like not knowing how to communicate and of course there is my sahttered ego with being in a SSM for 8 years. 
Let me give an example of his time frame....