I have tried and my heart is broke.....

[ValerieA]

Hi, cally.

I have confronted his actions. I have been down right ill and nasty towards him. It didn't start off that way. But when he couldn't even appologize or act remoreseful or even admit it was hurtful, well, it saddened me and angered me to no end.

If you want answers, you're not going to get them by acting this way. The nastier you are to H, the more defensive he will continue to be.

cally, I have acted that way in the past with my H. After reading DR and stopping that kind of behavior, I find that my H is much more open with me.

If you remember in my sitch, I talked to H a couple of weeks ago about my feelings of the way his actions were effecting me. I never blew up even when I felt like H was trying to turn something into being my fault. I never said, "I feel (this way) because of YOU!" or "If YOU would stop this, blah blah blah!" I didn't attack him in any way, and by doing that, my H felt "safe" to share his feelings with me.

I'm not saying this will help you, but maybe try to consider this some? I know you're hurt and angry with your H, but if you're trying to communicate with him, you have to be much more caring and gentle with him.

... Because seeing something like what he had posted on that site makes me not trust him... He made this comment about him being the only one in the house to not have any privacy. That he can't even get on the computer without being watched over. But I found this interesting right after that he brought up how I have my secret screen name that nobody can get on because it's a secret password. So I guess he has tried to get on... Because of a past comment I made once when he made a comment about insecurity. I said I am sorry you feel insecure because you know you don't satisfy me sexually.

Now, maybe I'm wrong here, but I think your H might be questioning HIS trust issues with YOU.

After hearing your comment about not being sexually satisfied (quantity) and seeing how you have a SECRET password on the computer, I can see how H MIGHT be wondering about your activities.

I'm sure you have valid reasons for having your own private password, but this just reminds me of the sharing you were telling me about on my thread . My H is still a bit secretive when it comes to his cell, but we share the computer. We have different passwords, but we know what they are.

Maybe your H is bothered by the "secrecy" but won't say so -- like me sometimes .

We have been fighting like crazy. I have been so hurt and crabby. I quit smoking almost 4 weeks ago and I am sure that has added to it also. I told him yesterday because of course there was no sex this weekend. So it's going on two weeks. When he did agree to two times a week. But I told him get use to it this is me with no sex and no smoking. He said go but a pack of cigarettes. And I of course shot back with a mean comment about why you can't step up to the plate on the other.

cally, are you playing the blame game ?

Sweetie, I know how frustrated you are, but you gotta stop. Acting this way is only going to push you and H farther apart, and if you want more , do you think you're going to get it by doing this? Or does your H find you irresistibly attractive when you're crabby? I know my H doesn't.

I'm sorry if I seem to be coming down on you. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I can see how your behavior might be effecting your H in the WRONG way.

Please take care.

JV

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."