I received my copy of "Not Just Friends" late Friday afternoon. Imo this book and SSM should be mandatory reading for every couple out there. In one read the SSM book has dramatically transformed our 26 yr M into an almost newlywed like atmosphere. I've already done alot of reading in NJF and even got the H to listen to a few parts I read outloud and he read some on his own. It's quite the eye-opener and we're both impressed.
H and I have discussed things on and off throughout the weekend. All talks were calm and friendly and much was accomplished in the way of building trust, for my benefit. When I told H that my biggest issue was feeling threatened by the LOW, he was genuinely flabbergasted and shook his head saying that no way should I feel that way because he has absolutely no interest in her and never has...and that he doesn't want me feeling that way because she means nothing to him personally. He admitted that when she started working in his dept he was ecstatic because she required very little training and has helped greatly in picking up the slack in his dept...allowing H to focus on other matters. H's line of work is extremely high-stress (construction sales)and his dept had been grossly understaffed and overworked the past few years, so it was actually a godsend to have her join the team when she did. H says she makes a point of emphasizing her lesbianism and lifestyle and as a result has turned-off a large majority of the employees within the company. He says she's ok as a person, but otherwise the only thing he truly values about her is her reliability and contribution to his group, and to the company as a whole. He said that when she first started working there, the office atmosphere was being suffocated with company politics, and that he had actually feared getting laid-off, as the company was considering more downsizing at the time. He said he often felt sick about it and spent many restless/sleepless nights over it and wasn't feeling particularily hopeful about things in general. He thinks those dark moods of his are what I incorrectly detected/interpreted as his apparent lack of interest in/towards me and our M. He swears he never had or developed any type of feelings towards the LOW not even in the way of a fleeting infatuation or fantasy. He said that physically/emotionally and even intellectually she holds no attraction for him whatsoever and that I needn't worry about or feel threatened by her. He says she couldn't hold a candle to me if her life depended on it. Man...those are the words I needed to hear.
While we were out today I brought up the point about the yellow sticky thingy I found in his wallet with her phone numbers on it. His orginal story about it was that he had likely been cleaning out his wallet at his desk like he had done numerous times before, and that he probably inadvertently shoved it into the wallet by mistake without realizing it. He said the same thing again today when I mentioned it and I laughed rolling my eyes with tongue in cheek. On that note he smiled and said "let's make a side trip...I wanna show you something." He drove us straight to his office. He took my hand and led me to his desk, which I haven't seen in over 2 years. And there it was in all its glory...with yellow sticky thingys stuck all over the top of the desk, on binders, the phone, the computer, the wall...they were everywhere! So it would seem then his theory on how her number got into his wallet isn't so farfetched afterall.
I have this theory now that our problems since last fall resulted from a serious lack of physical intimacy in our M. Prior to our reading SSM this past spring, it had been almost 10 years since we last ML...that ain't no joke. Since last fall I lost two of the most signifigant women in my life...a long time friend, and my Mom. My mother had been hospitalized for many months before her death so it had been a stressful time for me. H said he didn't mention his worries at work because he didn't want to burden me. Then along comes LOW and all hell breaks loose. Naught was lost tho...a valuable lesson was learned here, albeit in a painful way. If you have something you cherish...you better nurture it in every way required...lest you should lose it.
My heartfelt thanks to those here who reached out to save me in my moments of utter despair. NOPkins...I think you're the greatest and I wish you and Mrs. NOP all the best life has to offer.
I know it's sounding like I'll never come back here, but I will. If I run into any snags I know where I can come for unwavering support. In the meantime I'll work on mending the bridge with the H and will continue to read posts and educate myself further on things of the marital nature. Who knows...maybe I can even help that cheating girlfriend of mine to mend her fences with her H, too.
