I had two convos this week with 2 guys who separately won their WAWs back. It was a mixed experience. First, I learned that there are no miracle cures (then again, maybe love happening b/t 2 adults is a miracle in itself ). It always takes hard work, extensive personal change, patience to allow the WAW the chance to work out her stuff (both had a MLC theme, but maybe this is mere exploration/growth), and both involved kids.
The first LBS is older (late 50s) and had to deal with his substance abuse demons before she took him back. Took 3 years of hard work, followed by moving to a new state to be near her and their daughter prior to a reconciliation. Not a completely happy ending. I'm not a judgmental person, but I do take things in with great detail, and I noticed that he drinks a lot (maybe slipping back into substance use), seemed down, and was checking out the rears of every woman who walked past him. Made me wonder about his ability to attend/nurture his R with his W. Note to self: "Work to improve oneself and to enhance one's R should never stop." This is a true lifestyle change, with no real end-point.
The second LBS was different. He's my age (late 30's), and had a WAW my W's age (34). This man had truly taken the lifestyle change to heart, was working hard to keep things going, seemed to freely note the fun things he was doing with his W, yet had plenty of time/activities that he pursued himself. Seemed to work hard at keepign a balance b/t work, self-care, and attending to his R. He noted that his W dated a bit, but always seemed to be watching him, especially regarding his attention/fathering to their D. He noted that he slipped in small bits of kindness/attention to W when he attended to their child, noting that W had felt jealous about his attention to their D early on, which contributed to her already present feelings regarding his shortfalls as a H. Took him almost 3 years post-D to reconcile with her, but told me something key: By the time this occurred, he was so confident in himself, that his happiness no longer depended on whether she took him back. This allowed him to just be himself, and his loads of self-care let him be the self that his W fell in love with at an earlier age. Only this time, he was older, wiser, more established, and had a better ability to 'romance' her, as she was now more of those things as well, and seemed to require a different level of wooing. In other words, guys, we have to learn a new way to romance. The old ways that worked in college or shortly thereafter just won't cut it anymore.
Me? I'm looking into some dance lessons (salsa first, then maybe ballroom), then maybe a poetry class?
Ladies, what do you suggest in the areas of romance? First, picture yourself pissed/disappointed in the guy. What might he do to patch things up at least to a neutral level, then interest you, then to sweep you off your feet?
). It always takes hard work, extensive personal change, patience to allow the WAW the chance to work out her stuff (both had a MLC theme, but maybe this is mere exploration/growth), and both involved kids. 
