I'm so much better at giving advice when it is not my ex-spouse I'm talking about. I think that this comment...
Quote:

I'm continuing to feel a cooling off of W toward me that started over the phone during her vacation, and have wondered if she's successfully killed off any remaining feelings toward me.





sounds a whole lot like me. I worry when she's a little more cool that she's mad or is killing off any residual love. It's our crazymaker going.

There could be quite a few reasons for her behavior that have nothing to do with you. Or she could be a little upset that you took her stuff down. I think that was very responsible of you to perform your duties even though there was sure to be backlash. Maybe she expected special privledges--like you would kiss her butt--since she thinks you are still hung up on her. That show of strength might have gone over badly in the short term but might pay dividends later. Good for you.

Gabe, the honest truth (in my opinion) is that a lot of those feelings of love are gone. They are not buried. Love is a conscience decision and needs work to maintain it. I've been divorced before this and believe me there is no love (none) for my 1st wife. I didn't work to preserve any. Our presence on this board and thinking about the R is what maintains our love. Our ex's aren't working on it...so the love is bound to "wither on the vine". My feeling is that at one point in time we had attributes that attracted our spouses to us and led to love. We need to show them those things that are attractive and slowly build up love through loving actions. Love isn't just going to suddenly spring from within like it's been held back by a dam. It's more likely that the dam is nearly empty and we need to fill it to overflowing to get the love back. None of us know how much feelings our ex's have for us. They aren't going to tell us except accidentally through actions and occasional stray comments.

So basically we have to show them our best side. The one that was attractive to them and hope that we become irresistable. But I feel that at some point in all this we have to have the opportunity to work on restoring the love. Can we really do that with limited interaction?

In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt