Choosing new, unlikely companions, including those in different (care-free) stage of life is definitely an MLC trait. This is not just my observation but that of others as well (including in books on MLC). Also, as Wes rightly points out, there is a question of availability of people in married with children stage of life. I would not be overly concerned about any of this Gabe. All part of her process of doing identity work. One of the first things my W said when she WA was that she needed to learn to be more assertive. For a while there she practiced that to an extreme, being almost rude. She still gets that way sometimes when something bothers her (see my post of last week).
Gabe, I know you are not irreligious, so I would recommend the book on "women in midlife crisis" by Conway. It is from a non-secular perspective, but even though I am agnostic and secular, I found it very useful nonetheless.
On the other hand, Gabe, i would not view her telling you about her hair-related issues as being projections or anything. I would view that as a positive, that she is willing to expose her weakness and insecurities to you. If she is truly "emotionally" fully divorced from you she would never do that. Right now she is "emotionally divorced" from herself (i.e. MLC)!!
I don't think you are competing with your W either. MY WAW has dropped a lot of balls, even with regard to my D3, that I have had to pick up. Your effort in getting your S5 to read is truly commendable.
" I'm confident in what I can do and offer, and I know that I'm not replaceable in S5's life." - absolutely (duh!). Your W will come to her senses about this in good time. It has taken my WAW two years to this weekend when she said to D3 apropos of nothing that "your daddy is so, so, sweet to you". Gabe, hold to the truth and it will be evident to her in good time.
" She reminds me A LOT of W at that age - impulsive, overly assertive, and full of confidence - all things that W admires, and maybe wants to recapture." - OOOh, Gabe, this is exactly what my W does. She has a male coworker whos brusque personality she adopts sometimes when she is around me. It is uncanny. My W is anything but brusque by nature so the contrast is staggering to me (but also transparent and I can easily deal with it).
" From a positive angle, perhaps she is trying to connect to me, or merely display some initiative?" - Yes, I think this may hold some truth. You see, she wants to feel some measure of control on her being able to mother your S5 without your help. She wants that self-affirmation. This helps her counteract some of the insecurities that she feels. I know it hurts Gabe, but give her that opportunity to self-affirm. You know what, it will not affect your R with her one iota. You are still such a huge part of your S5's life it wont matter.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
