Quote: "I also saw lots of downplaying, like she was projecting her internal judging on to me." - I don't understand what you mean by this Gabe, could you elaborate. Your WAW is so similar to mine, I want to know what this is.
Good question. W has struggled with depression and low self-esteem since I've known her. She is incredibly rough on herself in terms of negative self-talk - usually had a running litany of it during our M. Unfortunately, she would claim that I felt that way about her as well - not liking her, judging her as a failure, not beautiful/intelligent/sexy - and my compliments and reassurances rarely made a full impact on her and often were discounted. A rough place to be.
Thru DBing, I've found that improving my listening skills has helped. Such as merely empathizing with her pain and frustration without agreeing to her negative view of the world, and DEFINITELY not trying to fix things for her or point out solutions. I have been reassuring some still. Such as in my last day in NM, when W commented on trying to get her 'chopped up' hair done again, and having it cut up 'worse' and having highlights turn her hair bright burgundy (does look quite reddish), I pointed out, "Your hair is so amazingly beautiful naturally, so maybe its hard for a beautician to improve on that." W has not been responding to my compliments (no 'thank you's) but has been quiet after, as if thoughtful.
Went for a run this morning. Weird to say, but the humidity felt great. It was nice to really get drenched in sweat again. The desert wind truly sucked away the moisture as I exercised in NM.
