Hi Gabriel:

Good to see you back in the netherworld. I hope you and S5 had a good time and I am sure it was great bonding time for the two of you. I have done several trips now with my D3 (starting from when she was D2!) and while it is always hard to manage all on your own it is also very satisfying in the end. My D3 and I end up getting closer after the trip.

Regarding your post:

" I killed an urge to say "W, I'm a fulltime Dad/familyman allowed only parttime status" but I merely kept silent." Good move. Silence under such circumstances is best. I have been there several times. Feels like a stake through the heart.

"To be honest, at my return, I saw the same ol' W." - yeah, one trip aint gonna cut it. I have not seen any effects of such independent shenanigans from my WAW either.

" Very young, immature or insecure - mentioning her grad student (10-14 yrs younger) as a great friend, leaving me to wonder if she'll change soon enough." - Not soon enough, Gabe, but hopefully eventually. I tell you, that 3-4 years timeline is highly realistic, especially for MLC-WAWs. BTW, my WAW has also developed friendships solely with singles. She has tried a whole gamut of them. Female day-care-workers in my D3's daycare- that did not last long, nothing in common with those girls. Then male single coworkers of hers, including one EA. Then a married with kids female coworker but that seems more like a rocky, business-like R. Now, lately she is hanging out with a F-coworker who is here visting, I dont know if singele or not. You get the point- these are transient relationships. First, married, 30-something people are too busy to be readily available to do things with WAWs on the drop of a hat. Second, MLC-WAWs want to recapture their youth and hanging out with much younger/unattached people gives them that outlet.

"I also saw lots of downplaying, like she was projecting her internal judging on to me." - I don't understand what you mean by this Gabe, could you elaborate. Your WAW is so similar to mine, I want to know what this is.

"She looks tough - I weathered fulltime single-parenthood and overtime work and travel with a child better than she seemed to her singleness." - Oh yeah, my WAW always looks quite run down, she even admits to it on a frequent basis. Things like "I have all I can handle" and such. This is actually quite close to the truth, for people in MLC (BTW - a great read if you want to gain insights into MLC is Peter O'Connor's book - Understanding the midlife crisis).
On of my friends' WAH who had an MLC (now piecing their marriage after 2.5 years and post D) told her "he feels enormous pressure". The key is to keep GALing and looking happy and fine. The same WAH above said that one thing that struck him when he was initially trying to get back was how good his LBS looked when he saw her. And my friend says her WAH looked like death when he came back. He had several solo trips across the country, one abroad, connected with all of his old friends again (pre-M) whom he conveniently dropped after they started reconciling. All part of the process with MLC.

"A recurring thought - this is going to be a longterm sitch." - Oh ,yeah, again the timeline for 3-4 years depressing as it may seem is quite appropriate.

Good to have you back. We missed your voice on the forum.

UD



The 3 laws of DBing: 1. PMA is critical to DBing. 2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical. 3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.