Thanks for your posts! I'm back! It was a very nice trip. S5 just ate up his time with me, copying/shadowing me, hugging/kissing me, telling me ILU. It was nice to share great times with him. No horses, had 2 failed balloon ride attempts (too much wind), but worked in dinosaurs, camping, hking, tons of swimming, much with my parents, but some alone. At one pt, I had to carry him on my shoulders for 2 miles at 10k elevation, and I impressed myself with my fitness/ability to do so.
Found my crazymaker going a bit over there, especially when W was abrupt/almost rude on the telephone w/me upon her return to FL from Hawaii, at one pt asking me about a CS check in lue of visiting. I felt her warm (slightly) as the week went on, and she proudly shared her adventures with me.
I'm fascinated that she chose activities that she knows I enjoy and that I mentioned getting back into (camping/hiking/surfing). She went surfing 1x there and talked about it.
I brought S5 home to her tonight late. W was up, and explained how she had worked all day yesterday and today, and went to a movie alone last night (curious how she noted that too). W was complementary about our activities, and appreciated some bracelets and necklaces that S5 and I brought her (small but nice). She had some pineapple and a t-shirt for me from HA. When S5 demonstrated his ability to read to her (only 2 wks of tutoring from me, when she had the reading program for 2 mo and didn't get him thru the alphabet) and heard about his swimming prowess, she seemed pleased. When she said with empathy, "Oh, now your time together is over", she added quickly "But I'll but you want a break, huh?" I killed an urge to say "W, I'm a fulltime Dad/familyman allowed only parttime status" but I merely kept silent.
I was able to do some GAL stuff for myself while away - basic eating right, running, reading, prayer. Even gave up coffee as an experiment (HUGE for me) - going on Day 10 now. But its good to be home, where I can hit it at full tilt. I'm soo excited to be in full summer mode: writing, and GAL stuff. Hurray!
To be honest, at my return, I saw the same ol' W. Very young, immature or insecure - mentioning her grad student (10-14 yrs younger) as a great friend, leaving me to wonder if she'll change soon enough (before I quit). I also saw lots of downplaying, like she was projecting her internal judging on to me. She looks tough - I weathered fulltime single-parenthood and overtime work and travel with a child better than she seemed to her singleness. Maybe she was partying very hard?
A recurring thought - this is going to be a longterm sitch. I saw many women turn their head approvingly my way during my trip - with S5 and without him.
Yet, I will press on in part b/c S5 shared again his desire for a family back together, and b/c I can still recall the woman with whom I fell in love. She's there somewhere, and with consistent hard work and some divine intervention helping her to do her work, she may just come back better than ever, as I will be.
