I think your perspectives on W's behavior are excellent. Jo, I do see some of that effort to control in her. Lost, I hope that she does complete some of this thinking about our sitch/family while she's gone. UD, my going away for a bit is exactly what I've been thinking about. While it would be hard on S5 and I, I think this would be the first taste of 'reality' for W to see what life without me post-D would truly be like.
Journaling
Had an interesting time over the weekend. S5 and I are doing fine - enjoying each other's company and 'adjusting' to being together fulltime. We went to see "Sharkboy and Lava Girl" Fri night as a reward for his good behavior. Had a nice mellow Sat due to a local storm, doing some errands. I noticed that I was able to 'window shop' without making any purchases so much better than in the past, perhaps related to my growth, perhaps to W's influence/noice (e.g., my desire to impress/soothe her) not being present.
A bit tricky this weekend, as I had to take my truck to the shop, and got a rental to keep S5 and I mobile meanwhile. Worked with S5 Sat on his reading using a 'Hooked on Phonic's program and got him to read 3 books. Seems very excited, as was I! Made me wonder if W had been working with him at all, as she had the program for 3 weeks, prior to my asking for it to work with him over these next 2 weeks.
On Fri and Sat, W called and seemed excited to tell us where she was and how she was doing. During the Sun call, she abruptly asked to speak to S5, cutting our friendly convo off midsteam (she was leading it). She seemed to ask S5 if he missed her (he said twice saying, "No, I don't miss you."). On Mon, I handed S5 the phone directly, choosing not to open myself up to another experience of rejection. After S5 talked with her abit, again saying "No, I don't miss you", W asked to speak w/ me. Yeah! Was focused on S5 being sad and lonely w/out her. I replied, "I'm not trying to be mean, but S5's doing great, just fine." W stated, "Okay, that's all I needed to hear. I was so worried about him."
I bit my tongue re no mention of myself and of her wanting reassurance despite her choosing to vacation for 2 weeks during a busy work time, but kept it brief, as I was dealing with the frustrating news about the slow garage repairs of my truck.
I'm hoping that she learns s/t over there that helps her grow and our sitch to improve. I'm also starting to think that our not being here for her return will be helpful in her seeing the starkness of her new post-D reality a bit better. We're leaving for NM this Friday! I think we'll miss out on Yellowstone this trip, as my Dad is experiencing some health probs, but we'll find some local fun to enjoy there.
You seem to hav had a bit of a testy week in many ways. I am sure that your W's away trip and having t handle S5 by yourself and the truck problems are causing a bit of weight on your PMA. I have my D3 a lot by myself and even though I would unhesitatingly impale myself on a blunt sword for her it is somewhat taxing after a few hours of taking care of her and one wants a 15-minute break to decompress.
Gabe, dont let your W's trip away worry you. Nothing much will come of it. My W has gone on several trips over the past couple years of different types and durations. She comes back rejuvenated but after a couple of days it's all back to where it was. It is just a part of the process of her cleaning out the basement of her mind of all sorts of crap that has accumulated there for the past few months/years. I am sure that her thoughts do 360 degree turns every day on all that has been going on. Sometimes we give our WAW's too much credit for straight thinking.
I hope you have a decent holiday with S5 despite your dad's health problems. Take care.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
You mentioned something on someone else's thread about the truck issue normally making you "pissy for days". WTG, dude! Way to not pout and do something different! SO often accused me of pouting too for days, and you know what? He was right! I did! What a dork I can be!
Quote: After S5 talked with her abit, again saying "No, I don't miss you",
You know, I couldn't help but chuckle to myself a bit when I read this. I suspect she would prefer he be all mopey and pouty and missing her, and giving you a hard time in the process. Aw shucks! Too bad!
Quote: I'm also starting to think that our not being here for her return will be helpful in her seeing the starkness of her new post-D reality a bit better.
I think you're right on the money with this one, but remember -- no expectations!
Quote: We're leaving for NM this Friday! I think we'll miss out on Yellowstone this trip, as my Dad is experiencing some health probs, but we'll find some local fun to enjoy there.
Have a GREAT and SAFE trip! Enjoy! And I hope your dad's health issues resolve themselves soon. Don't hesitate to ask for prayers for him!
Yep, it does seem like W would prefer for S5 to be broken-hearted and acting rotten in her absence, making life tough for me, but he's actually been a sweetheart. He and I have very compatable temperaments, and I read him better than she does in some ways, so he's doing just fine.
UD, I've been thinking about your comment of me getting away for a bit on my own, leaving W to her own devices with S5, as this would be an even clearer taste of post-D life. I may just do that. Perhaps to s/t work-related or to find a place to hole up in to get some solid writing done out of town.
Thanks for the offer regarding truck work, Lost. I may have to give you a ring the next time it acts up.
A hectic couple of days here as I wrap up my courses and do laundry/pack for our trip. Looking forward to gettin outta here for a bit.
It's good to get away on your own, but I'll offer a counter thought that was provided by DB Coach Laurie when I was contemplating moving away from the area where I live altogether. She said that the kids really need their Dad--especially when the family is broken. As hard as it may be for you and as much as you want to give W a taste of her decision--S5 and his needs remain the number one priority in his life. So if you are the cornerstone is his security, really think about any plans that would diminish the active role you now play in his life.
So you don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with getting a brief escape or vacation to recharge your batteries. However, if your thoughts are dominated more by how you can make W "feel" something as opposed to S5's needs, then you'll know you've crossed a line.
Btw, the past several days of Gospel readings have been from the Sermon on the Mount. Pretty powerful stuff on how to live a Christ-like life--especially saying to love your enemies since it's no credit to love your brother and even sinners love those who treat them well.
My input on the calls is that it is nice she chose to discuss what was going on during her vacation. Look at it this way....she's having a good time...seeing new things...trying new things...and she wants someone to tell about it. Who does she tell? You. That's a good thing.
As for the "I don't miss you stuff" I think you might have handled a little different. It's okay to say "he's fine" and I'm sure he probably is, but I would have taken the opportunity to be understanding of her feelings. She's going away for a couple weeks, misses her son, and expects/wants him to at least miss her some. I would have said...."I've been keeping him busy" or "I'm sure he misses you, but we've been having fun to keep him occupied" or "that's just how 5 year old are I bet." No parent wants their kids to be miserable without them, but it's natural to want at least a little missing. I just think telling her he's fine is a little invalidating. Kind of like..."see, he doesn't need you." And Gabe, don't take that the wrong way or anything. I'm just trying to get into her head.
Have a good day.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Aw shucks! Too bad! 
W wants to think you and S5 will be so lost without her. Good for you on the response