I think your perspectives on W's behavior are excellent. Jo, I do see some of that effort to control in her. Lost, I hope that she does complete some of this thinking about our sitch/family while she's gone. UD, my going away for a bit is exactly what I've been thinking about. While it would be hard on S5 and I, I think this would be the first taste of 'reality' for W to see what life without me post-D would truly be like.
Journaling
Had an interesting time over the weekend. S5 and I are doing fine - enjoying each other's company and 'adjusting' to being together fulltime. We went to see "Sharkboy and Lava Girl" Fri night as a reward for his good behavior. Had a nice mellow Sat due to a local storm, doing some errands. I noticed that I was able to 'window shop' without making any purchases so much better than in the past, perhaps related to my growth, perhaps to W's influence/noice (e.g., my desire to impress/soothe her) not being present.
A bit tricky this weekend, as I had to take my truck to the shop, and got a rental to keep S5 and I mobile meanwhile. Worked with S5 Sat on his reading using a 'Hooked on Phonic's program and got him to read 3 books. Seems very excited, as was I! Made me wonder if W had been working with him at all, as she had the program for 3 weeks, prior to my asking for it to work with him over these next 2 weeks.
On Fri and Sat, W called and seemed excited to tell us where she was and how she was doing. During the Sun call, she abruptly asked to speak to S5, cutting our friendly convo off midsteam (she was leading it). She seemed to ask S5 if he missed her (he said twice saying, "No, I don't miss you."). On Mon, I handed S5 the phone directly, choosing not to open myself up to another experience of rejection. After S5 talked with her abit, again saying "No, I don't miss you", W asked to speak w/ me. Yeah! Was focused on S5 being sad and lonely w/out her. I replied, "I'm not trying to be mean, but S5's doing great, just fine." W stated, "Okay, that's all I needed to hear. I was so worried about him."
I bit my tongue re no mention of myself and of her wanting reassurance despite her choosing to vacation for 2 weeks during a busy work time, but kept it brief, as I was dealing with the frustrating news about the slow garage repairs of my truck.
I'm hoping that she learns s/t over there that helps her grow and our sitch to improve. I'm also starting to think that our not being here for her return will be helpful in her seeing the starkness of her new post-D reality a bit better. We're leaving for NM this Friday! I think we'll miss out on Yellowstone this trip, as my Dad is experiencing some health probs, but we'll find some local fun to enjoy there.
