Thanks for the advice and age-related affirmations!
My BDay actually ended well. I raced out of the office, worked out quickly, picked up S5 and did a few light chores before heading out to dinner with him. Went to a place that serves decent food but also has a huge game arcade. We had a good time. Worked hard not focusing on W.
On the way home, S5 asked "Dad, where's your ring?" - really threw me. I inquired why he asked, but he just seemed to be wondering. I showed him how I placed it on a famous passage in Corinthians about love, and we talked about what it symbolized slightly. He commented that he saw W's ring in her bedroom.
At dropoff, W came out of the garage looking rough and teary, and she told me she had gotten into a car accident this morning and showed me the front end of her car, then raced inside in tears. I followed her, with S5 in tow, and gave her a big, long hug. She stayed in my hug crying for about 30 sec, and I said softly "Im sorry that happened to you." Then she said okay and we let go. S5 got the giggles (poor little guy) and only commented "Mommy's crying!" I listened to her story, and when I asked if she was okay, she confirmed this.
Poor woman has been to 3 doctor visits in 5 days, has a viral cold and pink eye, and was found at fault for her auto accident - all less than 36 hrs before her trip to Hawaii. I just listened and only twice had to wrestle with my wanting to solve all this for her, just as I would have in our M. She asked if I wanted a glass of wine, and when I noted 'sure' she seemed to eagerly serve us so we could talk at the dining table while S5 wolfed down snack after snack as he eyed us curiously and tried to engage me in play every once in awhile. This time I stayed focused on her, and felt that I did a good job validating her feelings. S5 got the hint, and brought out some toys out to play on the floor near us.
S5 and I made her laugh by showing her some booth photos we took of ourselves, especially two that morphed my pic with that of an orangutang and a polar bear.
When W apologized for not acknowledging my BDay at work until late afternoon when I had already left (she puts up flyers and announces it via email to everyone for every staff member's BDay), I told her that I easily understood, and was amazed she did it at all.
Anyway, here's to a better year with lots more healing, deeper friendship and perhaps the start to something more.
