Quote: Just like the psych doctor said who founded the concept, PA, these men get their military training mixed up with their relationships!
I find that to be a rather broad sweeping statement and a dangerous one at that. My ex husband is career military. He has been military for nearly 24 years and our marriage overlapped his military career. I never once saw any evidence that he had his military training mixed up with his relationship with me.
My ex husband's life at work in his military career was a polar opposite from his life at home as a husband and father. Here is the difference. Military people don't have to worry about conflicts on the job. Heck, they run up on a conflict or problem that needs a solution you can bet there has already been a regulation written to cover whatever the problem might be. That is why a passive individual does so well in the military. They either have a higher ranking person there telling them what to do or they have a manual full of regs telling them what to do. It suits their passive, unwillingness to define their own path in life.
In a relationship though there are no regs to refer to when a problem arises. What's a passive man going to do without regs to refer to? He is going to do exactly what his wife tells him to do.
Passive/aggressive men like to take orders. It's called covering their butts so they don't ever have to take responsibility for their own life and choices. Then they can walk off one day accusing you of controlling them or taking advantage of their passive nature.
There isn't any confusion between the relationship and whatever profession they have chosen to follow. You will find that most passive/aggressive individuals will end up in a profession that means having someone else to answer to because that suits their need to not be responsible.
When it comes to relationships though and their actions in a relationship it is driven by a deep fear to become emotionally attached to another human being. It's a matter of not being able to trust. Their actions in the relationship contradict what they are actually feeling. They do what they are told to do for someone that they have very little trust in and very little attachment to. They find it easier to live life with minimal emotional attachment than to actually take responsibility for their own emotional welfare and develop a deep and loving relationship. That might mean getting hurt and it's just easier to suck it up, keep their mouths shut and do what they are told.
I'm 52, suffer from Meneire's Disease and have recently been told that I am unable to work due to the illness. I'm terribly bothered by your statement that with your age and your health you are lucky to be able to hold onto anyone.
Jane Pauley is in her late 40's and is bipolar. Where would she be with an attitude like yours? What I'm trying to say is this...don't sell yourself short because you are no longer young and healthy. Especially not for an obese, passive 60 year old man.
I'm single out of choice. I'm single because I haven't yet met the man that I feel is worthy of me and sharing my life no matter what kind of illness I have. I'm single because I have two teenage boys and I want to show them that no one has to settle out of fear of being alone.
I don't want to live my life alone but I would rather be alone than to ever live with another passive/aggressive man who won't grow a backbone and things he is owed forgiveness just because he can't make his own decisions.
I wish you well and hope you can work on your attitude as far as your age and health. You need to start thinking the other way around...that any man out there would be the lucky one if he can hold onto you. Change your attitude and you might see a change in that old, fat, passive husband you got stuck with. Sorry Cathy
