I can and do get aroused by going down on W. But I often lose my E before I finish her off. I'm still enjoying it immensely, but that alone oftimes isn't enough to maintain the E. Fortunately, I don't have any problems with ED, so I don't have any problem getting it back when she pulls me on top for IC.
Works the same way for me. Ummm, well the other way around...well you know what I mean. I enjoy giving because seeing what it does to her feels good and gets me hard.
This has been a bone of contention for H and me. I have had hangups and have come to the table late in terms of oral sex, but want to rectify that.
First of all, when I first tried it I thought it was necessary to do deep throat all the time for my H to enjoy it (of course, I hadn't checked out this assumption with him), so I would try to simulate IC with my mouth and then would trigger the gag reflex, which was unpleasant. So I did it with dogged determination but no pleasure.
Then I was (and still am) nervous about him coming in my mouth, so more lack of pleasure for me.
(JJ, I think you mentioned the water-fountain trick a while back - what is that?)
H recently told me that it's the tip that is most sensitive and it is fine to concentrate on that, so I do and it is much better for me.
But I always thought that there should be some fundamental sexual/physical pleasure for me in performing oral but there isn't. I felt really deficient.
It sounds to me that it is more the psychological trigger - that arousing your H is arousing to you. That I can relate to.
This BB is so amazing - there is no way in RL that I could discuss these issues with my friends. (I don't know if I'm strange that way. Perhaps men and/or HD spouses are different?) These online discussions are helping me so much, and in addition, in MC I find that I am much more comfortable talking about sexual issues than I was when we tried MC 15 years ago trying to address both relationship (H's anger) and sexual issues (mostly my hangups). We got something out of it - H learned his anger was usually unreasonable and to at least apologize for it soon thereafter (this was esp important for our kids who needed to know that it was not their fault); I learned how to use a vibrator. But I was very uncomfortable discussing sex with the MC back then.
We have a highquality sex-toy etc store for women near us. Most of the female clerks there look to be about 19 (complete with purple hair and nose and belly rings) and I certainly don't look like that. So I was shy the first few times I went in, and thought they would think I looked like their mothers (or even grandmothers). But what most impressed me was how completely natural and unselfconscious these girls are. They do not react to the age gap in any noticeable way and do not express any giggly self-consciousness about the products they are selling, just entirely straightforward.
Anyway, I ramble, but I realize that my own attitudes are constrained by my upbringing -
[I was brought up by my grandmother who was wonderful in many ways but had sexual hangups herself - "Sex is all that men are interested in!" she said with contempt, and as a woman who didn't believe in spanking or slapping of any kind, nevertheless she slapped me on the face when I was 10 and I relayed a slightly dirty joke to her - I never did that again! And told me I looked like a woman of the street when at age 13 I, and my friends, experimented with makeup.]
But I see a different way in the clerks at the sex store and on this BB.
thank you!
DogLover
Last edited by doglover; 06/17/0508:43 PM.
There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here: you are my buddies - I'm grateful for your support.
Oh Doglover, I couldn't talk about this stuff IRL either.
I mean, some of the more mundane topics, sure, but to talk about specifically what it is I get from giving head? No way! I still have only disclosed to 1 of my 4 sisters that I am the HD partner in my marriage. I like to talk sex with my girlfriends but it in no way approaches the graphic nature that I sometimes do on this bb.
No I don't physically get anything out of a BJ, but my H doesn't get anything, physically, out of going down on me either. He likes it because it is a nice place to be, and because it gives me pleasure. I feel the same about him. Plus, as JJ and I have related elsewhere, we are both object-oriented when it comes to our sexual desires so seeing a d*ck up close and personal is very arousing to me. Him telling me how much he loves me is much much less arousing, if it all. I DO tell him I love him during sex, many times even, but it doesn't increase my arousal. We are all different huh!
Just curious about the coming in your mouth...is it the taste that you want to avoid? Or having a mouth full of it? I don't mind him doing that (though he no longer does) but I would swallow it very quickly rather than let it sit there in my mouth for any length of time. Sometimes I would just let it gently flow out while I continued the BJ. Ah, such good memories!
HP, W has issues with not only the taste, but 'where it comes from'. How does one overcome such aversions? I'd love to have her do me to completion and a little beyond, but that ain't happening unless she gets a lot less squeamish about it. No, I won't do what Corri's husband did to her. I do ask very occasionally if I can (knowing full well what the answer is) just to let her know that it is a preference.
Hmmm, I'm still not following that aversion. I mean, it comes from your balls. There's nothing filthy about the inside of your balls. It's not human waste. Personally I think kissing with tongue (which is something I love) has a much higher yuck factor, if you really think it through.
Well I actually doubted that most people were talking as graphically in RL as on the BB. Anonymity frees us.
Re giving head - guess GGB's described it when he said his wife is squeamish. Partly it's the unknown - what if I don't like the taste? What if I don't want to swallow? What if it makes me gag and so makes H feel bad? To me it feels like the way I felt the first time I jumped into water over my head - I feel I need to screw up my courage to just do it the first time and then it will probably be fine.
[What is that old joke - "3 famous lies: the check is in the mail, I won't come in your mouth, ... " I forget the 3rd. But I guess there's some sentiment out there that women aren't always happy to have men come in their mouths - the fact that some women feel that way doesn't make it right or good]
Is the fact that your H no longer does come in your mouth, even though you wouldn't mind, significant? Does it represent a change in your R?
Doglover
Quote: Oh Doglover, I couldn't talk about this stuff IRL either. ... Just curious about the coming in your mouth...is it the taste that you want to avoid? Or having a mouth full of it? I don't mind him doing that (though he no longer does)
There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here: you are my buddies - I'm grateful for your support.
I'm guessing it is religious. Catholic church says the only acceptable place to ejaculate is in the vagina. I've been trying a little to live up to that but....If she let me cum in her mouth I don't think I'd turn it down at this point. Maybe if it were less novel
determination but no pleasure.
