Booknotes with JJ

[doglover]

JJ and HP,

That is very helpful for me to hear.

This has been a bone of contention for H and me. I have had hangups and have come to the table late in terms of oral sex, but want to rectify that.

First of all, when I first tried it I thought it was necessary to do deep throat all the time for my H to enjoy it (of course, I hadn't checked out this assumption with him), so I would try to simulate IC with my mouth and then would trigger the gag reflex, which was unpleasant. So I did it with dogged determination but no pleasure.

Then I was (and still am) nervous about him coming in my mouth, so more lack of pleasure for me.

(JJ, I think you mentioned the water-fountain trick a while back - what is that?)


H recently told me that it's the tip that is most sensitive and it is fine to concentrate on that, so I do and it is much better for me.

But I always thought that there should be some fundamental sexual/physical pleasure for me in performing oral but there isn't. I felt really deficient.

It sounds to me that it is more the psychological trigger - that arousing your H is arousing to you. That I can relate to.

This BB is so amazing - there is no way in RL that I could discuss these issues with my friends. (I don't know if I'm strange that way. Perhaps men and/or HD spouses are different?) These online discussions are helping me so much, and in addition, in MC I find that I am much more comfortable talking about sexual issues than I was when we tried MC 15 years ago trying to address both relationship (H's anger) and sexual issues (mostly my hangups). We got something out of it - H learned his anger was usually unreasonable and to at least apologize for it soon thereafter (this was esp important for our kids who needed to know that it was not their fault); I learned how to use a vibrator. But I was very uncomfortable discussing sex with the MC back then.

We have a highquality sex-toy etc store for women near us. Most of the female clerks there look to be about 19 (complete with purple hair and nose and belly rings) and I certainly don't look like that. So I was shy the first few times I went in, and thought they would think I looked like their mothers (or even grandmothers). But what most impressed me was how completely natural and unselfconscious these girls are. They do not react to the age gap in any noticeable way and do not express any giggly self-consciousness about the products they are selling, just entirely straightforward.

Anyway, I ramble, but I realize that my own attitudes are constrained by my upbringing -

[I was brought up by my grandmother who was wonderful in many ways but had sexual hangups herself - "Sex is all that men are interested in!" she said with contempt, and as a woman who didn't believe in spanking or slapping of any kind, nevertheless she slapped me on the face when I was 10 and I relayed a slightly dirty joke to her - I never did that again! And told me I looked like a woman of the street when at age 13 I, and my friends, experimented with makeup.]

But I see a different way in the clerks at the sex store and on this BB.

thank you!
DogLover