Quote: One episode of quality sex with H and I'm fine for a few days - an orgasm or two from mb and I'm horny again in an hour. (OK - someone will make a comment about Chinese food here - go ahead).
LOL. Great analogy. I have the exact same problem trying to get by on MBing. I can't MB without fantasizing and if I fantasize about my H, I just want him more but if I fantasize about someone else that's not good either . StubbornDyke once suggested that I try having fantasies that are just about me, but when I try to do this it usually seems kind of lame. For instance, the last time I MB, I just thought about being licked by the Rolling Stones tongue logo.
Quote: My question to you JJ - Why do you stay. Love for your H? Love for your kids? Boundless hope and optimism? Are there good things about your life that we don't know about that are just too good to walk away from? We all stay for our own reasons. That is why the escape fantasy is mostly that - a fantasy
Probably some of all of the above. Though I have to say that in my sich I don't really think of the divorce option as a fantasy. Once I realized that I would probably have to be willing to leave if I wanted to make any progress on the sex issue, I started working on all the problems that would prevent me from being honest when taking that stance. For instance, I lost 30 lbs. and I increased my income by more than 50% in the past year and I grew out of a lame romantic mindset that made me think along the lines of "there is no man but you for me in this world" etc.
Quote: If it is getting to be more than a fantasy you need to decide what the parameters are - when will you know you are done?
Good question. I guess my modus operandi lately has been that I have a pretty clear idea of what I won't tolerate, lack of sex and ill-tempered expressions of resentment, but all I've resolved to do is address these issues each time they arise. I guess I'm working on the assumption that either my H will finally choose to have sex with me on a regular basis without resentment or bring up some issues of his own which I will have to decide if I'm willing to address or he will leave because he's sick of being hassled about the sex issue and he is truly unwilling to do anything about it. Though maybe what is happening is that my H is bringing up his own issues and I am unwilling to do anything about them because I think they are unreasonable (for instance, his suggestion that I should lose another 20 lbs. or his suggestion that I need to stay home for his entire 3 day weekend if I expect to get laid.)
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
. StubbornDyke once suggested that I try having fantasies that are just about me, but when I try to do this it usually seems kind of lame. For instance, the last time I MB, I just thought about being licked by the Rolling Stones tongue logo.
