Quote: I wonder why you keep rationalizing and defending his use of such disrespectful language?
I think what I'm really doing is doing a lame job of explaining why his behavior didn't upset me in such a way that demanding an apology would have been appropriate. All I can say is that it was a matter of context. He was obviously in emotional pain when he said this and therefore I felt more compassion than anger.
In another situation, for instance if my H walked in the door and said "Where's my dinner, you c*nt.". I would find his language totally disrespectful and I would feel like I couldn't possibly accept that kind of behavior in my relationship.
Perhaps I'm not explaining very well but given the context, it would have been emotionally dense of me to demand an apology because it was very clear that my H was appalled at his own behavior.
The point I was trying to make about "deal breakers" is that maybe it's hard to know ahead of time what your's are. I really don't think I'm someone who would stay in a relationship no matter what, I can pretty easily imagine being reasonably happy as a single person at this point in my life and I'm not a masochist, but the events of this weekend just weren't that upsetting to me.
Actually, the one event in my marriage that I feel should have been a "deal breaker" was when my H refused to give me a hug when I asked for one when I was grieving my father's death. I was just too weak at the time to do any "deal breaking". My H has given me sincere apologies for this behavior and I have gone some way towards forgiving him but there is still a seed of bitter grudge within me. In fact, just thinking about this event makes me wonder why I bother working on this marriage.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
