I've been reading your thread for the past few days, feeling for you and wanting to comment, but not sure what to say.
I agree that you are the only one who can decide whether or not his language and actions bother you. I find myself thinking, wow, I would never put up with that kind of language or action from H, and that would probably be the deal-breaker (I say probably, 'cause as you all know, my H has done his share of deal breaking stuff, and I'm still sitting here... )
Then I realized the difference between your H and mine. You explain that he stopped in front of the kids, that you two had a discussion about it, and you sort of laughed together over his actions.
Ok - the anger's got to go. It's not good for either of you. But...at this point anyway, my H would not really care who was listening, and in the end, probably just tell ME it was my fault for making him feel that way (instead of yours getting upset with himself for feeling that you make him feel that way , subtle difference??), and there would be mile long crazymaking conversations for the next few days about how I upset him, am out to get him, etc... By the time I manage to put my foot down loudly enough for him to realize that I really am NOT going to listen anymore, he will have convinced himself (and against my better judgement, I'll probably be questioning myself) that it really WAS my fault.
Doesn't sound like you're quite there.
But - can you live with the fact that your H will probably throw 3 yr old fits every time he doesn't quite get his way? It doesn't sound like you or your kids are in any kind of danger, but once again...do you really want to be his mommy for the rest of your life? You've been at this for a while, and his fits seem more violent, or maybe you're just sharing more?
)
