Quote: Is "crabby and somewhat demeaning" the primary way that your H communicates with you? That is the impression that I get from reading your posts, but I fully understand that posting is one of those things that is done when the mood isn't so high so I might not have the complete picture of MW.
The weird thing is I would say that before I joined this BB my H's behavior generally floated somewhere below 5 out of 10 on the "crabby and demeaning" meter. Now most of the time he is much better averaging about an 8, perhaps, but now I have to deal with these occasional temper tantrums in which he sinks down to a 1. I guess the question is "Who is the real Mr.W?" the consistently passive-aggressive cranky pita I lived with for most of my marriage or the much more friendly, loving man who occasionally throws disturbing, though passionate temper tantrums. I think my H and I were more comfortable with out sort of stereotypically repressed middle-class WASP way of handling (or not handling) problems in our marriage but maybe we're actually happier letting the pots and pans fly in the manner of some more passionate culture? I hate to admit it but we were actually both in a pretty good mood after our big blow up. It was like we recognized that there was a big elephant in the room with us and we blew it to smithereens. If I think about it, I realize that any time in my marriage that I've been willing to throw a fit or stand strong in some way in order to get laid I've been successful. The reason I would go weeks without sex in the olden days was it would take me weeks to build up enough drive to overcome my wimpiness and deal with the drama of confrontation.
That said, I don't think I am comfortable with the feeling of constantly being in the "crucible" that is my marriage at the moment. Perhaps, it comes down to the fact that a Type 7 HDW and a Type 4 LDM are doomed to only being able to be in stable relationship orbit with each other if they are at a great distance, otherwise it's like a scene from "When Worlds Collide!".
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
