Quote: I realize that for too much of my marriage I have viewed sex in just the opposite way - too often I want to feel good BEFORE sex in order to even think about doing it. That leads to all kinds of LD behavior that has been described by many on this BB
I think that is a very common LD thought pattern. On a few occasions, my H has said "Sex should be a celebration" in order to explain his POV. That sounds like something that someone who was HD should agree with but since what he really means is that sex should be reserved for special occasions when everything is going just great, I have to disagree. IMO this is like thinking that because you celebrate good times with food you shouldn't eat just any old time. The famine, famine, famine, famine, feast plan just doesn't work for many of us.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Yes the world is a happy place after having a good encounter.
Quote: I am very capable of enjoying sex just with the animal/physical part of my nature.
I feel so left out of lifes experiences. I was told a virtious life was the goal in my youth so I missed out on lots of stuff.
Quote: I could probably even enjoy having sex with CeMar
JJ, you know I like sex but you have me beat. If Cemar were female and had a good body, after listening him/her put his/her one main theme up so many times, I don't know I could have sex with him/her.
Quote: JJ, you know I like sex but you have me beat. If Cemar were female and had a good body, after listening him/her put his/her one main theme up so many times, I don't know I could have sex with him/her.
It's easy to "dis" CeMar, but in a wierd way his persistence in sticking to his one theme makes me think that he might be the one guy on this BB who actually would be willing to sign the "Oath of Zorba" about which I've previously joked. Of course, this brings to mind the expression "Be careful what you wish for little girl or you will surely get it.".
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
And "no" I as not dissing CeMar. I am stating I like to have emotional and a sexual/chemistry thing going on before I think abou getting it on. I guess I run along the lines sex/ML is a long term activity where one should have other common interests. I an not a Wam, bam, thank you mam relationship guy. Having some respect and admoration for the other person does a lot for me.
Quote: And "no" I as not dissing CeMar. I am stating I like to have emotional and a sexual/chemistry thing going on before I think abou getting it on. I guess I run along the lines sex/ML is a long term activity where one should have other common interests. I an not a Wam, bam, thank you mam relationship guy. Having some respect and admoration for the other person does a lot for me.
I agree. I'm making an admission, not bragging when I say I can enjoy sex on a purely physical level sometimes. It's absolutely true that sex that is based on purely physical attraction is not much basis for a relationship. However, I wonder how much of CeMar's CeMarishness would persist if he were to, for instance, spend a year on a desert island with me. Would he eventually start complaining that I couldn't possibly love him because I didn't prepare the pineapple just the way he likes it or didn't wear my grass skirt in a pleasing manner or would he be so happy to finally have his sexual needs met that he would mellow beyond recognition?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: SO I have taken a 2 pronged approach on my own LD. 1) I am exploring my own enjoyment of sex. Why should H have all the fun? I remind myself that I have a right to feel good too. H wants more sex but we don't do it just for him - it's for both of us. I'm tatooing on my brain the slogan "I like sex". This focus on my own pleasure is very reinforcing. 2) From time-to-time I've hired a local college student...
"...from the football team to come over and help me locate and stimulate every erogenous zone on my entire body. I'm committed to this process-- I don't care how tough it is!"
Am I the only one who thought/feared that's where that sentence was going?!?
It is becomming difficult to read all of these SSM posts. What is it you folks are talking about, anyway? Sex? Isn't that something they teach in high school health? It has been so long, I can't remember... (yeah right)
JJ, I hope your H gets his act together. If I used the C word, my tongue would melt off... cursed by the millions who hate the word (my w included)
It is interesting how different our sitches are. I was LD and want to be better, your H seems to use LD as a shield. I hope he doesn't try to blame you if his tests come back normal.
If you don't live in OH, whay did you ask about the Toledo metro?????
lol Thankyou LP. I am sitting at my computer at work chorteling out loud. I love the mental image.
OK, so maybe I sound a bit too dead serious. But at least I'm trying.
(One of MrDL and my more amusing moments recently was as I described to him "the butterfly" - a remote control vibrator described recently on this BB which can be worn under clothing. We were walking down the street at the time and began to imagine the various public situations in which one might wear it and which of us would get to hold the remote).
Doglover
Quote: doglover wrote
Quote: SO I have taken a 2 pronged approach on my own LD. 1) I am exploring my own enjoyment of sex. Why should H have all the fun? I remind myself that I have a right to feel good too. H wants more sex but we don't do it just for him - it's for both of us. I'm tatooing on my brain the slogan "I like sex". This focus on my own pleasure is very reinforcing. 2) From time-to-time I've hired a local college student...
"...from the football team to come over and help me locate and stimulate every erogenous zone on my entire body. I'm committed to this process-- I don't care how tough it is!"
Am I the only one who thought/feared that's where that sentence was going?!?
There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here: you are my buddies - I'm grateful for your support.
Quote: If I used the C word, my tongue would melt off... cursed by the millions who hate the word (my w included)
It's interesting how everyone has their limits. This is one thing I have insisted on from day one, and something I have not budged on and will not: there has to be a certain "level of civility" in our conversations. This is absolutely a deal-breaker with me. Early in our R, he called me a "sh!t" for something, and that was when I drew a line in the sand. We might use the f-word in a heated argument as a modifier for something else, as in "that effing idiot," but we never call each other names. I know in some R's this is done routinely and everyone is okay with it and it means nothing, but if he ever even once called me the c-word, that would be the end. It would not be a surprise to him, as we have both agreed that such name-calling is not acceptable. Once those words are out, they're there in the ether forever. You can't suck them back into your mouth.
One of my earliest memories (from before the age of two) is my parents saying the most hateful things to each other-- things I cannot remove from my mind but that are so ugly I have never repeated them to another person, not even a therapist. You can get PLENTY mad at someone without resorting to language that is intended to damage. It's like those bombs that explode and are filled with nails and pieces of broken glass that have been dipped in excrement... they are INTENDED to poison and destroy.
I've tried the butterfly thingie and it really didn't do the job. It's too difficult to keep it positioned right where you want it. But I came across Ruby LaRue's and they sound really neat!
Quote: Ruby LaRue patent pending 100% cotton, sanitary, wash-n-dry crotches were designed for the pleasure of undergarments. This revolutionary design stimulates the crotch area by gently massaging the wearer's crotch during general motion and thereby increasing libido. They are not electric nor vibrational and are drug and herbal free. As the wearer moves, Ruby LaRue is designed to move with her. Sitting, standing, walking, riding in a car, or even swaying side to side will provide the wearer a scintillating pleasure of a sexual nature. The days of plain cotton panties and jeans are over for even the most prudent of ladies. Once you have experienced the essence of Ruby LaRue designer crotches, you will desire to add them to your daily wardrobe. Give them to your friends and you have given them hours of pleasure to remember.
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