HP and JJ,

Reading what both of you wrote, a lightbulb went off in my head. I realize that for too much of my marriage I have viewed sex in just the opposite way - too often I want to feel good BEFORE sex in order to even think about doing it. That leads to all kinds of LD behavior that has been described by many on this BB, including squelching small flickers of desire, feeling like the household is too chaotic and I must get it under control before any sex, and resentment at H if I feel his contribution to the household has been inadequate. [Of course, there are always an infinite number of household chores to do before order is restored. Don't get me wrong, I am not a perfectionist, not Bree from Desperate Housewives. But mild depression and procrastination can keep that domestic order - and therefore also sex if order is a precondition - always out of reach.]

SO I have taken a 2 pronged approach on my own LD.
1) I am exploring my own enjoyment of sex. Why should H have all the fun? I remind myself that I have a right to feel good too. H wants more sex but we don't do it just for him - it's for both of us. I'm tatooing on my brain the slogan "I like sex". This focus on my own pleasure is very reinforcing.
2) From time-to-time I've hired a local college student to help with household chores for a couple of hours on the weekend. It is not so much that I want someone else to do it for me, but rather that working alongside someone else provides some structure and energizes me. (Somehow it doesn't work as well for H and me to work alongside each other - we are often at cross purposes - perhaps that's an item for our MC sessions). So that also improves my mood enormously and reduces some friction with H.

Doglover

HP wrote:
Quote:


I know I am in a much better mood the next day, for a variety of reasons, most of them physiologically based. I am also in a better mood after I eat so there must be a connection in HD people of mind-body happiness.




JJ wrote comparing it to a swim in the ocean following by lying on the hot sand.

There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here: you are my buddies - I'm grateful for your support.