Booknotes with JJ

[MJontheMend]

Well folks, it was another "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf"-like weekend at JJ's place.

Review of the Action:

Mr.Wilson starts out weekend with sneaky "the best defense is a good offense" move by throwing a temper tantrum about my work schedule. Blindsided into stupidity, I end up momentarily feeling guilty and get suckered into agreeing to a no sex weekend.

Friday afternoon feeling both depressed and horny, I sneak off to the bedroom for a little private "nap" time with my new book of erotica. Mr.W interrupts my plan by choosing to take a nap himself, of course he was interested in a real nap, so I was forced to pleasure myself on the bathroom floor (FYI, HD, there is a fluffy carpet.).

By Saturday afternoon, my weariness had transformed into anger and there was a huge white elephant of passive aggression involved in all our interactions. Finally, I blew and told my H I was angry about his temper tantrum the previous morning and I regretted agreeing to no sex just because I had to do some work over the weekend and I thought it was just another lame excuse. The fight that followed was totally "agro". The highlight was probably the part where my H broke off a piece of the kitchen counter and started wailing away at the sink , while yelling "You c*nt! You absolute c*nt!". I actually managed to hold on to myself pretty well during this altercation and when we had both calmed down and were actually kind of laughing at ourselves afterwards, my H said "The thing that impressed me was it (his tantrum) didn't make a bit of difference to you.". That's right folks. I'm a c*nt and I don't care. By this I mean I've finally reached the point where I am guilt-free about the fact that, yes, I am willing to leave my H simply because he doesn't make enough effort to satisfy me sexually. So, if a c*nt is a woman who will leave a man for that reason then that's what I am. Though, perhaps, slut would be more apropo.

As the weekend continued, I was not able to maintain my strong stand so well because my H went from "agro" to "pathetic" and really I'm a bit of a soft-touch . Saturday night I went to bed first. My H came in a bit later and said in an accusatory manner "I suppose you want some action.". Since I was more sleepy than horny at the moment, I replied in a friendly manner "Generally yes but not particularly at the moment. Why are you in the mood?". He replied "No, I'm not.". Then I said "Well, would you like to just cuddle a bit?". He said "No." and I lost it a bit and said "I can't get sex. I can't get physical affection. What the h*ll do I get out of this relationship?". He got very pathetic at this point and said "Well, I bring you my paycheck each week. I guess that's all I have to offer. Just think of it as rent.". He said this in such a manner as if to convey "I know I am a lousy husband so just consider me a boarder but please don't kick me out.". I felt so sorry for him I started crying and patting him on the head and when I went to the bathroom to wipe my eyes he got out some porn and we ended up having sex.

Well, anyways, the end result of this weekend was that my H wants me to make him an appointment to see an endocrinologist to get his testosterone levels checked. He said he wants to do this so he can have more of a "level playing field". I'm not sure if he meant if he meant he needed a more level playing field in order to deal with me or in order to compete with Hank and his ilk, but I guess at least it's a sign that maybe he's finally at the end of the line with blaming me for his LD. Though, I am a bit worried that if his levels come back normal his attitude will be one of "I did all that I can do. What more do you expect from me?" passivity.