Booknotes with JJ

[doglover]

JJ,

So true. I think there is something basic about being able to laugh and being able to share laughter with one's spouse. Laughter (as long as it's not based on hurtful humor) is relaxing and affirming.

Mr DL is actually quite funny (but clearly that's not necessarily related to being HD - you describe yourself as serious). I find laughter, while not precisely a turnon in itself, to be a good prelude to being turned on. By contrast, it's hard for me to be turned on when I'm deadly serious, stressed, tense or in other non-laughing modes.

Likewise, laughter during sex can be fun - as long as it's shared. (See my thread re last weekend - Mr DL and I tried new positions. We are not a lithe and limber 16 and so, at first, we felt anything but suave and accomplished. But we persevered, we laughed, we enjoyed and we smile when we remember it).

Yes, I think leaving yourself open to letting your partner make you laugh counts too.

But I also think that being a clown (which Mr DL often is) can sometimes interfere with intimacy. Clownishness can sometimes mean "look at me, see how funny I am"; it may interrupt a conversation or interaction. So the straight men may need to open up to laughter a bit more, but the clowns may need to be careful that their quest for laughter isn't too self-centered or attention seeking at the expense of their partner. Shared laughter is best.

Sort of a long-winded ramble. I'll leave it to you JJ to be more incisive.

DL

I appreciate your comments...thanks for the reminder to add fun and sensuality to the mix.

I needed the reminder myself. I found thinking about how to make my H laugh to be an enlightening exercise because it seemed like it should be easy but really it's a hard thing to "try" to do. Especially since in our relationship my H usually plays the role of the clown and I'm the straight man. Perhaps, this exercise should be expanded to include leaving yourself open to having your partner make you laugh also.