Some of the "Undefended Love" philosophy LP has been explaining made me think of another book I did some reading in recently (I couldn't read the whole book because a customer bought it) called "God Loves Fun" by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. The author/guru? uses some interesting analogies to discuss love and intimacy. He makes the point that the opposite of love isn't hate it's indifference. If you are involved in someones life then you love each other. The love is like a river running through time into which both good and bad things are thrown. If someone you love is acting hateful or indifferent towards you this is analogous to the situation when you encounter a friend you haven't seen in a number of years and they don't recognize you right away. It doesn't help to keep repeating "Remember me. Remember me.". You know the truth of your relationship and soon they will recall it too.
The main point made was that the path to true intimacy is to simply assume that you are loved and that your partner know that they are loved too. Sometimes even saying "I love you" is a barrier to intimacy because if you are truly intimate this should just be assumed. He recommends that rather than saying "I love you", you should just let your actions reflect the emotion. The analogy he uses is that love is something beautiful like a flower but many people don't know how to appreciate beautiful things and instead of holding the flower gently by the stem, they clutch at the petals like a baby. ********************************
Another bestseller I read which I highly recommend is "French Women Don't Get Fat" by Mireille Guiliano. This book is really helping me in my attempt to figure out how to cope with a H who prefers me thin but feels most loved when I cook delicious food for him. This is the best "diet" book for someone with a Type 7 personality that I've ever encountered. The subtitle is "The Secret of Eating for Pleasure" and the author does a good job of outlining this philosophy and gives many tips and tricks to help achieve this that have been ritualized by French women.
As a result of reading this book, I decided to "take it up a notch" and go from being a competent cook who feels kind of stressed, bored and unappreciated because I'm cranking out the same old pot of pasta or burger dish every night and become a gourmet cook. The results have been very gratifying. I get a lot more sensual and creative satisfaction from the cooking because I go to the trouble of planning a menu and going to the market for fresh ingredients each morning. My H is very appreciative and most amazing of all, my children who I've on many occasions accused of not liking any food that wasn't white, are eating all sorts of complicated salads and such and enjoying it. Also, I've lost 3 lbs. in the last week even though I've been eating meals like Fresh Corn and Scallop Johnnycakes with Green Onion Sauce served with asparagus and orange sherbet with curls of dark imported chocolate for dessert.
The book also makes some points relevant to this BB because the author discusses how neglecting to attend to your pleasures in life is really a disservice to those you love because you will become increasingly cranky. She also talks about the importance of finding pleasure in sex and love because it is easy to seek excess in one pleasure if you are in a bad mood due to lack of another pleasure. However, she makes the point that finding pleasure in sex and love should be considered more of an art form than something to be approached with "grim determination". One thing she wrote about that really struck me was the relationship between love, sex and laughter. It made me think that many of us on this BB might be better served if we were to think about what we could do that would make our partner laugh, rather than what we could do to make them desire us. Wouldn't CeMar's wife be amazed if he suddenly transformed himself into "un amoureux rigolo" (a love who is funny)?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
