I agree UD, this sitch confuses me. I finally had a chance to read through Bruce's 'As If' post and the part that says what advice would you give a newcomer w/your sitch has me really puzzled. I don't know how to even respond to myself!

This role reversal has actually occurred before in our M; when I was traveling w/s8 years ago for medical followups, ex would tell everyone that I left him and so I would hurry up and come back to him. Even my parents never understood why I kept leaving and I explained it was for s until my face was blue!

So this time, I need to shake things up differently, I can't just go running back to him (what w/being div and all)

As for the div, I'm sure that he did file the paperwork, I journaled extensively the night he called me to tell me he did and I went back and found the day. (it was two days before the deadline!) To some point I feel like I am being tested over and over to see if my changes are going to last. (He knew that I was making changes in my life before d-day, but said he didn't believe they would stick.)

When I said I wanted to keep some distance, I mean that I don't want to live next door! We come from a small town and I feel that would be too much pressure on ex. But there are jobs that are half an hour or an hour away and that could make the whole sitch better for s8.

The one goal w/us that I want to work on right now is the communication (the job goal is for me!) Ex always complained that our communication is a major problem; I didn't tell him enough about what is going on. Most of the time I did though and he just wasn't listening. Now he has imposed so many restrictions on talking that I don't know how to break it. He gets very upset if I call him (using up his cell phone minutes) and that's why I don't. He shut off his home phone so I can't call there. The majority of my emails get ignored and I can't get through to him to call at a reasonable time over the weekends. (I almost wonder if he planned to call while I was gone on Sunday)

So back to the job hunt today. I will be applying to mostly Mich jobs and calling my recruiter there.
T