The difficulty here is that you are trying to set goals that ex-H needs to fulfill and he will probably continue to stump you. It sounds like the goal (and it's an admirable one) is "I want H to take an active interest in and visit his son". You know what? If that was high on his agenda he would have done it. Telling him that son is doing fantastic is no replacement for seeing him. When I was a long distance from my kids I wouldn't have felt that hearing they were good would be enough. I had to see them myself.
Now there are possibly other factors involved...maybe he has no money to make the trip or time off from work. I never got the pressure you are trying to apply from my ex. She knew I wanted to see them and left me alone about it. Of course I made it clear I missed them and wanted to see them...something I don't sense from your ex. He is still in selfish mode. I don't think any kind of "guilt trip" is going to help.
For awhile you might have to accept that your ex is also a walk-away dad. He will come around on his own time or not at all. My suggestion is to only inform him of important events in your son's life that he has no way of knowing about, but to leave it up to him to otherwise find out how your S is doing, etc.
About the convos. I think you are right. For now you probably should just listen and not talk about yourself and your achievements unless he asks. Tell us. We'll be proud of you (and we are).
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
