I don't think I hardly slept a wink last nite. Too many things to mull over and not just about ex!

W - the power of contact was w/him up until this phone call. I think by me not being the one to initiate any contact he's starting to break down and allow me some. He was actually sounding concerned about my cost of calling him and he said if I wanted to talk, just email him and he would call back and put it on his bill!

S8 wants him to come visit and not just call so we tried to relay that and I believe ex's hesitation is just out of uncertainty. He never likes to commit to a visit until he has worked out the details and then will waver some until the last minute and he's on the way up. So I will let it go for now! I have a feeling he may be checking his schedule and making that plan soon.

Anyways, I was tossing and turning last nite over this job in Ohio. Don't want to offend anyone here, but I just don't want to live there! So I did tell the recruiter to pull my application. A little scary, turning down a job when I am feeling the pinch on the bank account! But I want to remain in this state, and even tho ex and I have this distance to work out visitation; this is still my choice. His comment about not being any jobs around him may just be that he wants to look elsewhere when/if his plant closes. (This was a discussion that we had previous to the div and I think that he is still coming to terms w/it. I know, I know, I can't read his mind!) But I am still going for what I want for job location and let him decide from there.

And I keep thinking about all the other things that I want to straighten out in my life before we are to begin any future R! It seems overwhelming at times, (the financial sitch) but I am taking the steps one at a time. That's all I can do.

Off to make the most of today. T