T,

You scare me.
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I am going to follow the lead/advice of other members here and not go totally dark w/ex-h.



I hope you aren't following my lead. I might be a little too indefatigable in my pursuit. Although I definitely advise you not to go totally dark. More like gray and then lighten up if things are going in a good direction.

I like your goals. How are you going to enjoy life? Know what I recommend? Read Fahrenheit 451 then even the birdies chirping and the smell of grass just mowed might be enough to enjoy life. Of course you have a child and they can always be a source of gratification.

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I am really wanting to send xh a text message or email today to remind him that we want him to come for a visit. Maybe a greeting card saying 'I'm thinking of you'?



In my opinion...No to both. That's too much pursuit even for me. I think reminding him that you want him to visit is too much and may in fact be implying that he should be seeing his son more (which he should be, but you don't want to say that) And "thinking of you" is a little obvious pursuit. Start out with at least some excuse to talk to him and drop in a sweet sentiment then. You've got this b-day present ideas going...drop in a compliment in regards to his idea or thank him sweetly for getting back to you. Reply to his recent e-mail saying "thanks for getting back to me so promptly or hope you have better luck with ideas that me". Maybe ask his opinion of ideas that you have already come up with. I don't know...this is your H..what can you say that will give him a boost but not be completely transparent? You know how big of a pursuer I am, but I still try to limit myself to finding an excuse to call (today it was..."I didn't know your aunt was in the hospital..did you?"...yesterday.."good luck on your test"). Even I don't go the route of "thinking of you" or "missing you".

Your H is in a different town isn't he? If so that makes it harder to ask for a few little favors here and there. And harder to even pursue subtle-like. Just try a few very small things that are not transparently pursuit and then wait and see for a day or two...then repeat with a new excuse. Just my .02.

In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt