Have been following your posts for some time. Your goals sound very good but there is something that you may want to consider. Can you figure out a way to apply ZERO PRESSURE on your XH? I.e. never ask him for anything. For example: "Maybe a greeting card saying 'I'm thinking of you'? " is too pursuing and could just lead to more and more disappointment for you. I have been there done that. I dont know if you can adopt yet (it takes time to get to that place mentally) a model where you can display any pursuit at all. It seems to me your best bet is to really work on your goals with vigor and email him only when absolutely necessary and when you do that be upbeat and positive. This will hopefully draw him to interact with you of his own volition. Right now, it appears that you have to work so hard to get any attention from him. I have done a lot of pursuing in my time of separation (2 years) and eventually my W would cave in, but it was all guilt on her part, not desire to get back to an R. And anytime the pressure mounted even the slightest bit my W would back-track. I think Wes' case is sort of unique on this forum, where pursuit seems to work, at least it does not seem to push his W away. But, by-and-large pressure and pursuit will have effects entirely opposite to what you want. You want to get to a strong, independent, happy place on your own, for yourself and only then will your H move towards you. Believe me, I have made these mistakes over and over and only now the truth is getting into my thick head. It is so difficult with children. You want so much for them to have a normal family. The way I got over that mental hurdle was by saying to myself, by applying pressure and acting on behalf of my D3, I was gaining my W's reluctant compliance in the short-term but I was ruining everything in the long-term. And so, now I am doing the "lovingly distance" thing and GALing etc for myself as well as my D3, but with a long-term perspective. I feel so much for your pain. I wish you the best.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
