Ellie, it seems you're in a Mexican stand-off! Seriously, I can totally relate to your experience -- one of the big issues in my M was my departure from the wage-earning world into the at-home parent world. XH told the MC that he never "agreed" to me staying home, he merely "acquiesced."
I wonder to what degree your H is engineering a sitch where the only recourse is for you to go back to work. He knows you are the responsible type -- maybe if it gets bad enough you'll do what he wants you to do... take the pressure off him by going back to work.
I know in my M I stepped back in the hopes that XH would step up. I realize now how fruitless and manipulative it really was. The bottom line was XH had a lot of issues around his career and mine and I didn't fully understand that. I was the primary breadwinner for the first 12 years we were together, and when that changed our dynamic changed.
Is there a safe place for you to discuss both of your feelings around your work?
