Quote: 1. If your H had told you before separation how he felt, what would you have done differently, anything? Or would you just have thought he was being silly?
Gosh, I would like to tell you that I would have immediately switched gears, but truly I was so focused on the hurt of the A, and proving to H that I was the perfect wife and mother... therefore he was a monster for cheating on me, that I don't think that I would genuinely have changed. He did passively indicate that this was a problem (only after the Bomb, NEVER before) in saying that he'd like to see me go out more and he could have more one-on-one time with the kids. I took this literally, and left him alone with the kids, but that was the ONLY time I dropped the rope. If I was in the room, it was me jumping up for juice and diapers and organizing our play. I didn't truly hear what he had been trying to tell me... that he wanted to be an equal partner. So, no I think I needed to be scared enough to TRULY look at my own mistakes to recognize how peripheral I had made him in his own home. Since separation, changing this so that when the 4 of us are together, H does EVERYTHING for the kids, even when the kids are demanding me, has been the biggest, and most positive 180 that has happened.
Quote: 2. If, after discussing his feelings of being left out with you, all of a sudden he just dove in head first to being a parent and at times all of a sudden your children started to prefer him to do certain things for them, how threatened would you haven been/be?
Pretty threatened, to be honest. That has been what's happened since separation. Even though I have full custody of the kids, when H comes home he comes in with Timbits and a fun agenda that he has spent days planning, I resent him being Fun Daddy. However, when we are together as a family and he is in charge of boring maintenance, although it's an effort to remember to drop the rope, I'm relaxing into it over time and enjoying the rest and enjoying watching their relationship grow. So threatened, but maturing about it?
