Quote: Particularly before D2 was born, there was just a general feeling of being left out, wishing I had that connection with S, never being quite sure if I was a good Mom. I always thought that there were things H should have done, as a good father, to encourage the bond with me, but I didn't push anything. For instance, my S would never allow me to put him in or get him out of his car seat if H was around. This is a little thing and is really something that should not have been catered to I didn't feel. I don't think we necessarily had to make the kid cry and say Mommy is getting you out, period. But H could have said "S4, that's silly. Mommy can get you out of your seat, daddy's tyeing his shoe"
Wow... reading this just hit home how marginalized I must have made my H feel. You seem to be in a gender-reversal of a really common parenting dynamic. Many mothers I know have this experience, and many of us just sigh, roll our eyes and do it ourselves. With each other we gripe about how little our H's do with the kids, without thinking about how our tendency to jump in and do it ourselves feeds the scenario. This is one of the only complaints my H has ever voiced (and this came post-S ).
I'm not at all justifying a lot of the controlling behaviour your H is displaying. Mainly a hijack to comment on how helpful it is to hear how it feels to be the one marginalized in parenting roles. And to say that perhaps, before things got ugly between you two, your H wasn't thinking at all about how it made you feel, just focusing on his S's needs (like I did with my kids, ignorning my H).
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